73 - Eternity, Part 2

Fourth Wall
Previously, on Second Fiddles: Parker, Cassie, and Blue Moon successfully infiltrated Red Thorn Ranch. Even though Chameleon captured Blue Moon, Cassie was able to teleport Ren and Silver to safety. To prevent the end of all superhumans, Linus and Ploonjer left to find Max and Tammy, in order to unite and confront Rose. Everyone else was sedated, so as to not confuse the listeners with too many voices. I mean, uhh, because of the plot. Yeah. The plot. We now rejoin Max and Tammy, who managed to evade Chameleon after they escaped confinement…

MAT
Episode 73: Eternity, Part 2.

TAMMY
(loud whispers) Max, hurry. I think we’ll be safe in here.

MAX
(whisper) Hey, you know this place better than I do!

SFX: DOOR CLOSE

TAMMY
(whisper) Hmm.  It looks empty.

MAX
(whisper) Then why are we still whispering?

TAMMY
Good point. Maxi, welcome to the greenhouse, my old stomping grounds.

MAX
Why does it… smell so bad?

TAMMY
I think after the ranch was abandoned, they left everything to rot. Aww, man! I was so proud of my peppers! Now they’re all dead.

MAX
It looks like someone threw a big tarp over something.

TAMMY
Probably just a wheelbarrow full of fertilizer.

MAX
Wow! It really is hotter in here, isn’t it?

TAMMY
Yeah, the sunlight comes in and heats stuff, and—

MAX
I know how the greenhouse effect works! I hate it when you older-sibling-splain things to me.

TAMMY
Then why did you sound so surprised it was warm?

MAX
You know how hard it is for me to think before I speak!

TAMMY
That’s for sure.

MAX
So what’s the plan? It can’t just be to hide in a greenhouse and bicker until our loved ones are dead!

TAMMY
Ugh, I don’t know! Rose is too strong for us, and Chameleon has too many tricks up their sleeve. Maybe if we go back and find a phone, we can use it to call Cassie or Blue Moon. They’re the only ones with enough power.

MAX
But they’re also the least experienced. I know Blue’s been training with us, but we both know fighting isn’t exactly his strong suit. And he can’t use his powers if he’s distracted.

TAMMY
At least Cassie’s power works automatically. Maybe if we get her here, and throw her in front of Rose, she’ll do her Deus Ex Machina thing and take care of her.

MAX
I doubt it. Cassie’s power is more… supportive. It helps her, and protects her, but it doesn’t hurt other people. I doubt it’ll do anything against Rose.

TAMMY
Damn it, you’re right.

MAX
Excuse me? Could you repeat that?

TAMMY
No BLEEPing way.

MAX
I’m pretty sure that you just said that I WAS RIGHT.

TAMMY
Maxi. Eat fertilizer.

MAX
Hey, it looks like not everything in here is dead.

TAMMY
Oh?

MAX
Yeah, the roses over here. They’re huge.

TAMMY
Whoa. Yeah. They’re thriving.

MAX
They apparently don’t need to be watered?

TAMMY
Oh, no. They do. Not a ton, but at least every few days.

MAX
Uhhh, so that means someone’s been in here?

TAMMY
Crap. You’re right. We need to go!

SFX: DOOR OPEN

ROSE
Ah! I see we have some unwelcome guests.

SFX: DOOR CLOSE

MAX
Tammy, is there another way out of here?

TAMMY
Yeah, there’s another door on the far side.

MAX
Should we make a run for it?

TAMMY
Depends. Has your laser vision returned in the last hour?

MAX
No.

TAMMY
Great.

ROSE
If I were you, I wouldn’t even bother. If you try to run away, I’ll use the Time gem to freeze you in place.

TAMMY
Can you do that?

ROSE
Would you like to find out?

TAMMY
Not particularly.

ROSE
I could also use the Dream gem to manifest your nightmares, or use the Power gem to will you to your knees and crush your skulls. I could even use Max’s antlers so the spirit gem vaporizes you on the spot.

MAX
What the heck are you wearing?

ROSE
Oh, you noticed my new headwear? I’ve inlaid all the physical eternity gems, and attached your antlers to the sides. I call this… the Eternity Crown.

TAMMY
It’s very woodland goddess of you. I like the thorns and roses, too. It looks about as prickly as your personality.

ROSE
You stand before the most powerful being in the universe and make backhanded insults?

TAMMY
I could just flat out backhand you, I guess. Would that be better?

ROSE
Where is your respect? Where is your submission?

TAMMY
I don’t think I’ve been submissive a day in my life. What about you Max?

MAX
Depends on the day. I mostly identify as a bossy bottom.

ROSE
You are a strange, irritating boy.

MAX
Hey, don’t diss my neurodivergence!

TAMMY
Yeah, BLEEP! Only I can make fun of him!

ROSE
How dare you call me that! You are petulant children. You and your kind are a plague on this planet. The world will be a better place once it’s cleansed of superpowered degenerates!

DOOR OPEN, CLOSE

CAM
Oh, hey, wow, bad time?

ROSE
No, Chameleon. I was just about to deal with these foul-mouthed ruffians.

CAM
Ah, so this is where the two of you ended up! Kind of ironic, considering this is probably the worst place to be. Well, maybe not. It’s supposed to be calm in the center of a storm, right?

MAX
A storm? What are you talking about?

CAM
This is where the magic’s about to happen,
and you have a front row seat!

TAMMY
But you still don’t have all of the eternity gems!

ROSE
Oh, really, Ms. Loft? How are you so certain of that?

TAMMY
Because you don’t have Blue Moon! He’s not stupid enough to come here freely, and he’s able to use his powers to bend the reality around him so you can’t find him anywhere!

CAM
Umm, yeah, about that.

ROSE
Chameleon, remove that tarp, please.

CAM
You got it!

SFX: TARP BEING PULLED OFF

CAM
Voila!

MAX
Uhh, Tammy, that doesn’t look like a pile of fertilizer under the tarp like you said. That looks like…

TAMMY
An idiot bent over a chair with his blue ass hanging out.

CAM
Surprise! Blue Moon was here all along!

MAX
Blue! Blue, are you awake?

ROSE
He’s been sedated, you sniveling pests.

CAM
What were you saying about him not being stupid enough?

TAMMY
Oh my god, if we weren’t all about to die, I’d kill him!

MAX
How did he get here?

CAM
Funny story. He came with Cassie and Parker to save you guys, but I stunned him and dragged his ass here.

MAX
What happened to the others?

CAM
Eh, I blasted Parker into unconsciousness and teleported away.

TAMMY
That means they’re all still here somewhere!

MAX
But what are any of us going to do against Rose?
She’s too powerful!

ROSE
You two really enjoy discussing people that are within earshot, don’t you? It’s as if you think I can’t hear everything you’re saying. Well, you’re right. There’s nothing you or your compatriots can do to thwart my plans!

DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE

LINUS
Tammy! We found you!

TAMMY
Linus, get out of here!

ROSE
Ah! A perfect example!

LINUS
Tammy, come here, I’ll protect us with a forcefield!

ROSE
Don’t bother, boy. You know I can pop your measly bubbles in a moment with the strength from the power gem.

TAMMY
Stay back, Linus!

PLOONJER
Please, Lady Rose, spare their lives! Or at least, spare the life of my Parky Poo!

LINUS
Oh, thanks a lot, Ploonjer.

PLOONJER
I never said I was a team player! We Kromin are selfish!

CAM
You backstabbing little BLEEP. I can’t believe you would choose a static over your own Sovereign Supreme!

PLOONJER
Oh, shut up! You’re the worst Sovereign Supreme in the history of… ever! If you weren’t gravid with a brood, I would kick your stupid hiney!

CAM
Pregnant or not, I will kick your ass, sweetheart!

ROSE
I really could have done without all of this drama today.

SFX: TELEPORTATION

CASSIE
Oh! We’re back!

ROSE
Not you, again!

LINUS
Silver! Cassie! Why did you come back?!

SILVER
We just brought Ren home and dropped her off, and then, POOF, we were back here!

CASSIE
I guess my power thought we were both needed!

ROSE
I refuse to have my plans foiled by a literal Deus ex Machina!

LINUS
Silver! Please, run.

SILVER
I must be here for a reason!

MAX
We totally outnumber her now! Let’s take her down!

TAMMY
I’m game! (deep breath, sonic scream begins)

SFX: SCREAM STOPS, TIME GEM MUSIC BOX MELODY PLAYS

ROSE
You really thought you could fight me, just like that?

CASSIE
Oh my god, what are you doing to them?

SILVER
It’s like they’re all… stuck!

ROSE
They are frozen in time, children. As you should be. How are the two of you resisting the time gem?

CASSIE
I dunno. My powers always protect me!

SILVER
Cassie, I can see through you!

CASSIE
I know! I think I’m a ghost. I can’t feel the ground. I can’t feel… anything!

ROSE
Your abilities have rendered you incorporeal! I can’t touch you, but you can’t touch me either.

CASSIE
Just my luck.

SILVER
Speaking of luck, that’s why your gem thingy doesn’t work on me. I have superpowered good luck!

ROSE
That is not a power, child. How are you doing this, truly?

SILVER
I’m serious. Good luck!

ROSE
Let me use the power of the Sight gem to see your truth…

SFX: SIGHT GEM ENERGY SOUND

ROSE
Oh… Oh, my! That’s not what I was expecting!

SILVER
What? What do you see in the Thundercat?

ROSE
Your gift has nothing to do with luck. Your power is… invulnerability!

SILVER
What? No, I’m just lucky!

CASSIE
What do you mean, she’s invulnerable?

ROSE
She cannot be harmed!

CASSIE
How does that work?

ROSE
Girl, have you ever broken a bone? Gotten a paper cut?

SILVER
N-no. I mean, every time I get in a car accident, my clothes get ruined, and I singed my hair
in a boat fire one time, but… but…

CASSIE
Oh my god, that’s how you’ve survived so much crazy stuff! You can’t get hurt! I mean, it’s a lucky power to have, but it has nothing to do with, like, probability or anything!

SILVER
No! That’s not true! Being lucky is who I am! I’m Silver Lining!

ROSE
Oh, my silly, silly child. You were the strongest one of them all along, and no one had any idea!

CASSIE
Silver, if that’s true, you’ve got to remove her crown! I think it has all the Eternity Gems on it! I can’t touch anything with my ghost hands, so it’s up to you!

SILVER
I’ll try my best!

ROSE
Let’s see how you deal with a punch strengthened by the power gem!

SFX: POWER GEM ACTIVATION
SFX: PUNCH SWOOSH

ROSE
(grunts whilst punching)

SILVER
Ooh. Was that… supposed to hurt? It felt more like a soft caress than a punch.

ROSE
But, that strike could have split a mountain in two!

SILVER
I guess you’ll have to do better than that!

ROSE
Don’t move another muscle, or I’ll obliterate your brother. I’ll rip his body in half before you can even reach us.

SILVER
No! Don’t touch him.

CASSIE
Silver! You’ve got to do something! It’s either Linus, or everyone with powers in the whole world!

SILVER
I can’t! He’s all I have!

CASSIE
Damn it! Blue, wake up! WAKE UP!

BLUE
What… what’s going on? Why am I not wearing pants?

CASSIE
You need to focus. Use your reality bending powers to stop Rose!

BLUE
Huh? Oh, no! Silver! Get away from her!

SFX: HYPNO BUTT, DISAPPEARANCE SWOOSH

ROSE
Ha!

CASSIE
No! Blue, what have you done?

SFX: FADE OUT HYPNO BUTT

BLUE
Rose is dangerous! I teleported Silver away. She’s safe now!

CASSIE
Oh, come on! This can’t be how this goes!

BLUE
Why is that bad?! What’s going on?

ROSE
I’ll tell you what’s going on. I’ve finally acquired all of the Eternity Gems! For over a century, I’ve searched, praying that I would be able to find them to right the most despicable of wrongs. Superpowers aren’t a blessing. They’re genetic mutations that threaten to collapse the fragile ecosystem of an already stressed planet. They’re a cancer! Now, I can finally cure the disease that has been plaguing this world for so very long

CASSIE
I can’t figure out how to turn my body solid again. Blue, how much time do you think we have?

BLUE
I don’t know! Probably until she’s done monologuing!

ROSE
I inherited the superpower gene from my father. I tried to use my healing powers as a force for good, to help people, but it only helped balance out all the torment my monster of a father caused me and the rest of my family. When he learned he could do whatever he wanted to me, and I would heal, I became his punching bag. He did unspeakable things, for no reason other than to be cruel and cause pain. If I can prevent anyone else from experiencing what I went through, this will all have been worth it!

CASSIE
Rose, superpowers can help people! Look at mine, they’re purely defensive, meant to help me and my friends. How is that bad?

ROSE
Superpowers are weapons, like guns. If guns cease to exist, they can’t inflict any more senseless violence on innocent people. Taking superpowers out of the equation is my destiny!

SFX: HYPNO BUTT, OTHER GEMS ACTIVATING

CASSIE
What’s happening?!

BLUE
She’s activating all the gems!

CASSIE
Blue, you’ve gotta get out of here! Now!

BLUE
I’m trying, but I can’t! It’s my one gem against her five.
She’s too powerful!

ROSE
There’s nothing you can do to stop me. Sit back, relax, and watch me save the world!

CASSIE
Please, don’t do this!

BLUE
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

ROSE
This will go down in history as the moment that changed everything. (pause) From henceforth, there will be… NO. MORE. SUPERPOWERS!

SFX: GEM SOUNDS SWELL, LOUDER, ROSE SLAPS BLUE’S BUTT, WHICH SILENCES THE OTHER SOUNDS AND WE HEAR NOTHING BUT THE ECHO OF THE SLAP. THERE IS NOTHING BUT SILENCE FOR SEVERAL SECONDS

CASSIE
Ren? Ren, it’s me. Sorry to wake you, but—

REN
(waking up) Uhh? What is it, Cass?

CASSIE
Someone’s here for a visit…

REN
Huh? Who’s here?

SOPHIA
It’s me, Ren. I apologize for disturbing you!

REN
Sophia? Sophia! You’re okay!

SOPHIA
I am. After the power dampeners were removed, and the sedatives wore off, I awoke with all my memories intact.

REN
What happened? I remember Cassie teleported me here with Silver, but then they both disappeared again. A few minutes later, the whole city was hit with what felt like an earthquake, and… that’s all I remember. Did I pass out?

CASSIE
Yeah, you did. Mom said you collapsed, and you’ve been asleep ever since.

REN
How long have I been out?

CASSIE
Almost two days.

REN
Seriously? Am I… am I okay?

SOPHIA
Yes. Physically, you’re healthy.

REN
Oh, good. Geez, you had me scared for a minute. So, what happened? Did an earthquake hit Rose City?

CASSIE
It wasn’t an earthquake, no.

SOPHIA
And it wasn’t just felt in Rose City. The entire planet was affected.

REN
Uh oh. Was this because of Rose?

SOPHIA
Yes. I’m afraid so.

CASSIE
Yeah. I tried to stop her, but she got all the gems together, and… And she…

REN
What did she do?

CASSIE
She had all the Eternity Gems on a crown that she wore on her head, and she lit up Blue Moon’s butt like the sun, and she channeled all of her power into her hand and then…

SOPHIA
For the listeners at home, who by this point should have realized that this was a “Thanos snap moment,” but instead of Thanos using the Infinity Gauntlet to snap his fingers and wipe out half the life in the universe, Rose used the Eternity Crown and then slapped Blue’s backside, triggering her wish.

REN
If it worked, then how are we all still alive? I thought she wanted to kill all the superheroes.

CASSIE
Yeah, that’s what we all thought, but she didn’t want to murder us. She just wanted to…

SOPHIA
Her goal was to neutralize us. Permanently strip us of our powers. And not just the heroes, the villains too. Every single person on planet Earth who carries the mutated gene that gives us our powers was affected by the blast of energy that knocked you out two days ago.

REN
Are you saying… what I think you’re saying?

CASSIE
Sis… 

SOPHIA
Ren, I believe you already know, deep down,
what it is I’m trying to say.

REN
I just… I need to… (deep breath, sings:) Lullaby, and sleep tight, now it’s time to be dreaming, go to sleep, say goodnight… (stops singing) Dammit.

CASSIE
I’m so sorry, Kare. I did everything I could…

SOPHIA
Ren, I… We are here for you. No matter what you need. Powers or not, you are still my best friend.

REN
This is typical. I hated my powers for so long. You both know how I blamed them for Dad’s death. I blamed myself, really. But I finally realized when I started going to Rose Academy that I could use my power to help people. And now, when I finally have hope for the future, we all lose our powers. 

CASSIE
Yeah, about that…

REN
At least Mom will stop freaking out all the time, and I won’t have to worry about you throwing yourself into dangerous situations over and over again.

SOPHIA
Ren, there’s something important you need to know.

CASSIE
Yeah, umm, it’s not exactly what you think.

REN
Wait—What are you not telling me?

CASSIE
When Blue Moon’s ass was about to be slapped, I felt the powers of the Eternity gems flow into me. The limitations of my Deus ex Machina powers… snapped. Like a tight rubber band. I was able to control them, but only for a moment. It was like, I had the ability to do literally anything I wanted, but I only had a fraction of a second to make a decision.

REN
Cass, what did you do?

CASSIE
I put up a… shield. Not a forcefield, but like, an energy bubble. Around Red Thorn Ranch. I was trying to protect us from being murdered.

REN
What are you saying?

SOPHIA
Ren, your sister was somehow able to prevent the Eternity Gem powered butt-slap from affecting those of us near Rose. She saved us from the power wipe.

REN
Are you saying… you all still have your powers?!

CASSIE
Yup. Not everyone is exactly the same as before, though.

REN
What do you mean?

SOPHIA
Max and Blue Moon cannot tap into the powers of their respective Eternity gems. Max is back to only being able to communicate with animals telepathically, and Blue Moon’s posterior is basically a glorified night light with minor hypnotic abilities.

REN
What about Rose? What happened to her?

CASSIE
I don’t know. It looked like the slap destroyed her hand that did the slapping. Like, it just vaporized. The Eternity Crown exploded into dust. I watched her stumble out, and never saw her again after that.

SOPHIA
She’s out there, somewhere, but I believe she’s no longer a threat.

REN
So, you guys are the only people with superpowers in the WHOLE WORLD?!

CASSIE
That’s what it looks like!

REN
Holy BLEEP balls!

SOPHIA
The Kromins still have their abilities, but shapeshifting is natural for their race. Ploonjer and Baby Stevie are staying with Parker right now at headquarters. I don’t know where Chameleon is, but I won’t stop looking for them.

REN
This is crazy.

SOPHIA
Indeed. My father, mother, and sister are all also without powers anymore. It would seem that the only active superheroes left in the world are me, Cassie, Blue, Max, Tammy, Parker, Elijah, Linus, Noelle, and Silver.

REN
Silver? Does her luck stuff even count as a power?

CASSIE
Yeah, so… Silver is actually invulnerable. That’s her real power. Even Rose couldn’t hurt her.

REN
Oh! I guess she IS lucky.

CASSIE
Blue tried to save her by teleporting her away, but he only sent her to the room where Sophia and Noelle were, so she was still at the ranch.

REN
What about Gale? You didn’t mention her.

SOPHIA
Ren… Gale is… Gale has not regained consciousness since we returned from the ranch. She’s in a coma.

REN
No! Is she okay?!

SOPHIA
She had been in captivity for much longer than any of us, and she had been sedated so often, and Chameleon is clearly not a trained pharmacist, so… something went wrong. Her body is not recovering.

REN
I’m going to kill Chameleon.

SOPHIA
Let us worry about them at a later time. Right now, you need to rest. Your body is likely still in shock from your DNA being altered, so we’d like to keep an eye on you for a while.
Is that all right?

REN
Yeah, that’s… that’s fine. Sorry, I can’t stop thinking about Gale.

CASSIE
I know, me too. She doesn’t deserve this.

SOPHIA
Now, listeners, I know you probably have many questions. I do as well. Before we discuss them, I’d like to thank Fourth Wall, who filled in for me as narrator when I’d temporarily lost my powers. He is, unfortunately, now one of the thousands of depowered people adjusting to life as a normal human.

CASSIE
Who is Sophia talking to?

REN
Shh, just let it happen.

SOPHIA
I will now leave you all with a few things to think about: What’s next? What’s in store for the Second Fiddles, as the ONLY superheroes left to protect the world? And that raises an even more important question: Since there are no more superpowered villains, does the world actually need saving anymore? Was Rose right? Was this actually a blessing? I’m afraid that only time will tell. Good thing we have access to a time machine. What, don’t believe me? Listen back to episode 7, when I first adopted my cat Eliot. I mentioned a time machine, and you probably all forgot about it! That’s where my superpowered memory comes in handy. So, listeners, this is it for now. I can’t wait for next season! We’ll have all the fun of time-traveling adventures, but without many of the paradoxical sci-fi discussions that get confusing for people. It’s a win-win! Goodbye… for now.

MAT
In this episode of Second Fiddles, Max is voiced by Mat Johnson, Tammy is voiced by Liz Thompson, Cassie is voiced by Tatiana Reed, Linus is voiced by Alex Sinicropi, Chameleon is voiced by Allana Langen, Ploonjer is voiced by Nick B, Blue Moon is voiced by Adam Donnelly, Ren is voiced by Kristy Barkan, Silver is voiced by Jenny Gibson, and Rose is voiced by Chrisi Talyn Saje. Theme music by Pete Johnson, and writing, producing, and sound design by Mat Johnson.

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This has been Season 5 of Second Fiddles. We’ll see you next year for Season 6! Thanks for listening!

And please rate and review. I always say this, and no one ever does it, but I’ll try it again: please rate and review. Thanks again.