72 - Eternity, Part 1

Fourth Wall
Previously, on Second Fiddles: 
Nearly everyone has been abducted and taken to Red Thorn Ranch, including my brother’s children, Linus and Silver, as well as Elijah, Sophia, Noelle, Ren, and Gale. After Rose revealed that Max’s antlers were the Spirit gem, and she snapped them off his little twink head, Ploonjer admitted to Max and Tammy that he was a double agent. He was secretly working against his sovereign supreme, Chameleon. Not only had Ploonjer conveniently “forgotten” to kidnap his new boyfriend, Parker, but he also let Max and Tammy free. Now, while Max and Tammy are trying to stay hidden from Rose, Parker has gathered the only remaining Second Fiddles: Blue Moon and Cassie, otherwise known as Deus ex Machina. Let’s see what they’re up to…

MAT
Episode  72: Eternity, Part 1.


PARKER
What’s taking Blue so long?

CASSIE
I don’t know, Parker! I’m not his babysitter!

PARKER
We don’t have much time!

CASSIE
Want me to call him again?

PARKER
He never picks up his phone anyway.

CASSIE
Hardly anyone in my generation does.

PARKER
Yeah, Cassie, I’ve noticed.

SFX: OPENS DOOR

BLUE
I’m here! I’m here! Don’t go without me!

CASSIE
Are you okay, Blue?

BLUE
Yeah, yeah. But we have a problem: The other gems are gone!


PARKER
What are you talking about?

BLUE
I thought maybe we’d need them. You know, use their power to save everyone?

CASSIE
So you tried to get them out of the vault?

BLUE
No, they were never in the vault! Those were decoys.

PARKER
Seriously? Then where were they?

BLUE
They were in my dresser.

PARKER
What?! The most dangerous sources of power in the universe were in your freakin’ sock drawer?

BLUE
Of course not! They were with my underwear.

PARKER
This is ridiculous.

CASSIE
So what does that mean, exactly? That they’re gone?

BLUE
I checked with security, and cameras captured me leaving HQ hours ago, but… I never left! A shapeshifter must’ve stolen them while I was in the shower.

PARKER
Oh my god, it was probably Chameleon.

CASSSIE
Or Ploonjer.

BLUE
I have a bad feeling about this.

PARKER
So, Rose has everything she needs, except for the spirit gem and you, Blue. We have to come up with a new plan. You’re too important to go there with us. If Rose gets her psycho hands on you, we’re all toast.

BLUE
Like you said, no one has the spirit gem yet. I’ve been practicing with my powers.

PARKER
No. You stay behind. Cassie and I will go on our own.

CASSIE
Uhh, but how? Blue was supposed to use his powers to get us there. You know I can’t use mine willingly.

PARKER
Well, uhh, he could just send us there and then, uhh, bring us back when we’re ready.

BLUE
Dude, how would I even know? Face it, you need me.

PARKER
We can’t risk it!

BLUE
We have to!

PARKER
I… I don’t know what to do!

CASSIE
I should be able to protect you. If Rose comes after you, I’ll get in her way.

PARKER
If she has four Eternity Gems at her disposal, your powers might be useless!

CASSIE
Eh, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

PARKER
Not when the bridge is possible death!

BLUE
Face it, you’ve barely recovered from when Rose broke your arm like it was a toothpick. Your powers aren’t exactly going to help us beat her.

PARKER
I’m too stressed out to be offended right now.

CASSIE
I can’t wait any more. I need to save my sister!

PARKER
I know. I’m just worried about Rose. She’s such a loose cannon.

BLUE
Hey, there’s a henchperson named Lose Cannon.

CASSIE
Really? Is it cannon, like the weapon, or canon, like, the official truth in a fictional world?

BLUE
Definitely the artillery-based cannon.

CASSIE
Oh. Okay.

PARKER
Guys, we don’t have time for a henchie pun.

BLUE
Are you sure you don’t want to know?

PARKER
Damn it. Okay, is it Luce, like, short for Lucy?

BLUE
Nope.

CASSIE
Is it loose, like, loose change?

PARKER
Or loose, like, the opposite of tight?

BLUE
No.

PARKER
What about setting something free, like, loose the hounds!

BLUE
Not even close.

CASSIE
What about loose morals? Or loose, like, slutty?

BLUE
Sorry, no.

PARKER
Why is the English language so confusing sometimes?

BLUE
Okay, you didn’t hear me right the first time. The henchie’s name is LOSE Cannon. Lose, not loose.

CASSIE
Oh, geez.

BLUE
She has the power to summon a cannon, but she’s forgetful, and always loses it. Hence, Lose Cannon.

PARKER
Oh my god, that was stupid.

BLUE
Fine, fine, I guess I could’ve just told you.

CASSIE
We’re going now. Ren needs me!

PARKER
This is such a bad idea!

BLUE
Let’s all hold hands.

SFX: HYPNO BUTT SOUND

PARKER
Okay. Ready.

CASSIE
Me too. Let’s do this.

BLUE
I probably should’ve peed before this, huh?

CASSIE
Blue!

BLUE
Fine! Brace yourselves.

SFX: DISAPPEARING SWOOSH

CASSIE
Whoa.

PARKER
Holy crap.

BLUE
Hey, that worked!

PARKER
Where are we?

BLUE
We are at Red Thorn Ranch.

PARKER
I know that, but where in the ranch?

BLUE
This was the orgy room. I figured it was the safest place to teleport in.

CASSIE
Did you say ORGY?

BLUE
Yeah. This is where we would all strip down and, you know, do it. All the fun stuff.

PARKER
Huh. That sounds kinda liberating.

BLUE
Oh, totally. I mean, yeah, this is where Chameleon got pregnant, which led to them joining the dark side, so I probably should’ve encouraged the use of condoms…

CASSIE
Eww! Does that mean you’re Chameleon’s baby daddy?!

BLUE
Uhhhh… I don’t know! Maybe! Probably not, though. Sometimes I just like to watch.

PARKER
I have so many questions. If we survive this whole thing, we need to circle back to orgy talk, okay?

BLUE
No problem-o.

CASSIE
Boys are disgusting.

PARKER
Blue, where do you think everyone’s being held captive?

BLUE
I don’t know. Probably the dormitory, or the cafeteria.

CASSIE
There’s no creepy basement or dungeon or anything, right?

PARKER
Back when I broke in with Linus last time, we were held in a cell. Where’s that?

BLUE
Did you forget about Linus knocking the cell walls out with a forcefield?

PARKER
Oh. Right. All I can really remember was the shock of seeing a bone jutting out of my arm.

BLUE
Yeah. That was nasty.

PARKER
Thanks.

CASSIE
Should we split up? Would that be faster?

PARKER
That’s literally the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.

CASSIE
Fine, so what do you suggest?

PARKER
We all know I’m more expendable. I’ll sneak around on the ceiling and make my way through the halls, and hopefully no one will see me. I’ll find everyone and then come get you both so we can get them all outta here.

CASSIE
Are you sure?

PARKER
I can be stealthy when I need to.

BLUE
Okay. The cafeteria is closest, then the dormitories are after that. This compound is mostly a straight line, so just take a right out of this hallway and keep going straight down the main corridor. Everything is labeled.

PARKER
Okay. I’ll be quick, I promise!

SFX: TRANSITION SOUND

SFX: DOOR OPENING

CASSIE
(yelp in fear)

PARKER
It’s just me!

CASSIE
Parker, you scared me!

PARKER
Sorry!

BLUE
Did you find them?

PARKER
Yes! Most of them are in the dorms, like you said. I saw them through the little window on a door outside something called the “Azure suite.”

BLUE
Oh! Those were my old rooms.

PARKER
Great, then you know exactly where it is. They looked like they were chained to the wall or something.

CASSIE
Did you see anyone else while you were out there?

PARKER
When I was in the cafeteria, Chameleon walked through, but the ceilings are high there, and they didn’t look up.

BLUE
Okay, great.

CASSIE
So, now what?

PARKER
We go save them!

CASSIE
That seems way too easy.

PARKER
You’re probably right, but we have to try.

BLUE
Hold hands again.

SFX: HYPNO BUTT

BLUE
Okay. I’m taking us right inside my old rooms.

PARKER
If Rose pops up, we’re out of there, with or without anyone. Got it? We need to protect ourselves first.

BLUE
Got it.

CASSIE
Let’s do this.

SFX: DISAPPEARING SOUND

BLUE
Ta-da! Welcome to my— oh, BLEEP. Are you guys okay?

LINUS
Blue?

BLUE
Linus! How are you holding up?

LINUS
Uhh, I’m alive. Just tied up. Not in a fun way. Yeah. Sorry. I’m really sleepy.

REN
Cassie!? Holy crap! You’re here!

CASSIE
Ren! Oh my god, you’re okay!

REN
Did they get you too?!

CASSIE
No, we’re here to save you!

REN
In that case, I’m so happy to see you!

PARKER
Are all the Second Fiddles here?

LINUS
Yeah. Mostly everyone’s sedated, and none of us can use our powers. My sedation kinda wore off a little while ago, but I’m feeling groggy. No, not groggy. Hung over.

REN
I pretended to be asleep last time Chameleon stopped by. Elijah and Noelle are completely knocked out, and so is Gale. She’s… in really rough shape. I think she’s been here a long time. I tried to get over there to check on her, but we’re chained up.

PARKER
And Sophia?

LINUS
Sophia’s a mess. The power dampener completely wiped out her ability to form memories.

CASSIE
That’s not good!

LINUS
My sister Silver is here too.

SILVER
Yeah, hi!

BLUE
Silver! I’ve missed you! How are you?

SILVER
I’m actually feeling fine. The sedative never worked on me. My good luck is doing it’s thing!

REN
Okay, now that we know where you three are, that leaves everyone accounted for except Max and Tammy.

PARKER
I wonder where they are.

REN
I think there’s someone else here who can answer that.

PARKER
Really? Who?

REN
Look behind you, in the corner.

PARKER
Oh my god!

CASSIE
It’s Ploonjer!

BLUE
Get ready to teleport!

PARKER
Wait! He’s in restraints too.

SILVER
Chameleon just brought him in before the last round of sedation. It sounded like he turned against them.

PARKER
Ploonj, is that true?

PLOONJER
Hi, Parky Park. Please don’t be mad at me.

PARKER
I— I’m not. Are you okay? What happened?

PLOONJER
I set Max and Tammy free. Rose didn’t like it.

PARKER
Really? You… freed them?

PLOONJER
 I did. You care about Max, so I thought you’d want me to help.

PARKER
Oh, honey, you did that for me?

PLOONJER
I would do a lot for you. So… you don’t hate me?

PARKER
I could never hate you. Ploonjer, I… I love you.

PLOONJER
If the warmth spreading through my body is an indication of my feelings, then I believe I love you too! That, or I just wet myself. No, I’m still dry. It’s definitely love!

REN
Umm, I have so many questions right now, like, when the hell did you two become an item?

CASSIE
Yeah, when did you even meet?

LINUS
I think I’m gonna throw up.

SILVER
Oh, no! Are the meds affecting your stomach?

LINUS
No, I just think Ploonjer is gross.

PLOONJER
I’m going to ignore that, human.

PARKER
I’m so glad you’re okay, and even happier that you’re not really a full-fledged villain.

PLOONJER
I like to think of myself as a quirky anti-hero. So, do you forgive me for interrupting our date by kidnapping your ex-lover and your former invisible infatuation and hand-delivering them to an immortal power-hungry narcissist?

PARKER
Of course I do.

SILVER
Aww, how sweet!

BLUE
Sorry to interrupt, but we need to get you all out of here. If I try, I think I can dissolve your restraints and power dampeners. I just really need to concentrate…

SFX: HYPNO BUTT

SFX: DOOR OPEN

CAM
Look who the BLEEPing cat dragged in!

SFX: HYPNO BUTT FADE

BLUE
Uhh, hey, Chameleon, old buddy! How’s it, uhh, hangin?

CAM
How’s it hanging? BLEEP, it is hitting the ground.

PARKER
Blue, get out of here!

CAM
Don’t even think about it!

SFX: PARALYZER BLAST
SFX: BODY HIT FLOOR

BLUE
(Oof!)

PARKER
Blue!

CAM
You too, you cute little spider monkey!

SFX: PARALYZER BLAST
SFX: BODY HIT FLOOR

PARKER
(cry out)

PLOONJER
Parky Poo! How could you, Chameleon?!

CAM
Oh, he’s fine, you whiny backstabber, I just turned up the juice on the stun ray you whipped up for me.

PLOONJER
Curse my extreme intelligence and lack of a figurative backbone.

CAM
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to bring Blue-Butt here to see a certain scary lady. Meanwhile all of you other twerps, say your goodbyes. Rose is about to wipe you from existence!

LINUS
What are you talking about? Doesn’t she still need the Spirit gem?

CAM
What, Ploonjer didn’t tell you? Your precious little Maxi’s antlers were the final piece of the puzzle.

LINUS
No! Is he… is he alive?

CAM
Ugh, you’re all so sentimental! Yes, he’s still kicking. At least for the next few minutes. You losers are about to get Thanos snapped! (evil laughter) Alright, blue-bottom boy, let’s get our teleport on!

SFX: TELEPORT

LINUS
Damn it! They’re gone!

REN
Cassie? Cass, are you here?

CASSIE
Yeah. I’m right here. My powers kicked in when Chameleon came in, and turned me invisible.

SILVER
Oh, wow! I’m not the only lucky one here.

PLOONJER
You superpowered humans are about to be destroyed forever. That doesn’t seem very lucky.

SFX: ENERGY SHIMMER

CASSIE
Okay. Can you see me now?

REN
Yeah. Geez, don’t scare me like that again!

LINUS
We need to get out of these restraints. Cassie, do you think you can do that?

CASSIE
I don’t know! If I was tied up, I could probably free myself, but I can’t make my powers work like that! Let me take a look.

SILVER
Oh, don’t bother with mine. I took them off a while ago!

LINUS
What?! How did you do that?

SILVER
They were kinda loose, so I just wiggled out of them. I used to work as a magician’s assistant, so I’ve gotten out of a lot worse than a few chains before!

REN
Wow, you ARE lucky.

SILVER
I told you!

LINUS
Quick, let me out!

SFX: CHAINS RATTLING

SILVER
I need a key or something! 

PLOONJER
Oh! Check my back pocket! I don’t think Chameleon remembered to take my set of keys!

CASSIE
Hold still. Yes! Got em!

SFX: FABRIC RUSTLE, KEYS JINGLE

PLOONJER
It’s the gold key. The shorter one.

CASSIE
Okay. Wait a sec. Yes! It worked!

SFX: UNLOCK, CHAINS FALLING

PLOONJER
Thank you, tiny human girl!

REN
Now me! Hurry!

SFX: UNLOCK, CHAINS FALLING

CASSIE
I got you, sis.

REN
Ah! I’m so proud of you!

CASSIE
Ew, not now!

SILVER
Do Linus next!

CASSIE
Okay, okay.

SFX: UNLOCK, CHAINS FALLING

LINUS
Thank you! Give me the keys. I’ll stay behind and take care of everyone else’s restraints. You need to get Ren and Silver out of here!

CASSIE
I can’t leave you behind!

LINUS
I’ll be fine! You heard what they said, Max and Tammy are somewhere in the ranch. I’m not going anywhere until I find them!

PLOONJER
And I’m not leaving my Parky Poo!

CASSIE
Ugh, fine. Silver, Ren, hold my hands. I’m gonna try something.

REN
If this works, I’ll do your chores for a month.

CASSIE
If this works, you’re moving out and giving me some space!

REN
Deal!

SILVER
Linus, I’m not leaving you!

LINUS
Please! Just trust me!

SILVER
I… I… Ugh, fine! I love you! Stay safe!

LINUS
I love you too!

CASSIE
Okay. I just need to convince my powers that if we don’t teleport home right now, we’re all gonna die.

REN
Oh, that’s encouraging.

CASSIE
Shut up!

REN
I’m sorry, sarcasm is my default!

CASSIE
Ugh! This is never going to—

SFX: TELEPORT

LINUS
Oh! Hey, it actually worked!

PLOONJER
Huzzah!

LINUS
Ploonjer, now that they’re safe, help me with the others. Gale, Elijah, and Noelle are fine to remove their power dampeners, but I don’t know what to do with Sophia. If we take off her dampener, her memories could come flooding in, and I don’t know if that would trigger a Basher transformation. You really, really don’t want to be in a room with Basher when she’s angry.

PLOONJER
Whatever you think is best. I am here to serve! I mean, help. I’m here to help.

LINUS
I hope we can find Tammy and Max and figure this whole mess out. Do you know where Rose is keeping all the Eternity Gems?

PLOONJER
Yes. They’re in the greenhouse. The building is not actually green, though, so the naming confounds me.

LINUS
All right. Do you think everyone here will be okay if we leave them? I mean, they’re still passed out.

PLOONJER
Rose and Chameleon have no reason to return here if they have all the Eternity Gems.

LINUS
That’s what I figured. Okay, let’s save the world!

PLOONJER
Or at least, not die a miserable death.

LINUS
Uh, yeah. That.

PLOONJER
Tally-ho!


MAT
In this episode of Second Fiddles, Blue Moon is voiced by Adam Donnelly, Parker is voiced by Greg M, Cassie is voiced by Tatiana Reed, Linus is voiced by Alex Sinicropi, Chameleon is voiced by Allana Langen, Ploonjer is voiced by Nick B, Ren is voiced by Kristy Barkan, Silver is voiced by Jenny Gibson, and Fourth Wall is voiced by John Pupo. Theme music by Pete Johnson, and writing, producing, and sound design by Mat Johnson.

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