67 - Time

SOPHIA
Previously, on Second Fiddles: Tammy, Linus, and Max were trapped in a time loop on the Montgomery Estate. The music box that played when they entered Sally’s old bedroom almost certainly contains the Time Gem that Rose is searching for. Even though he’s just barely returned from his trip to the fictional world his mother created with the Dream Gem, Linus and his sister Silver are about to make a grab for the Time Gem. Let’s begin.

MAT
Episode 67: Time

SILVER
Wait, so I’m technically only 7 years old?!

LINUS
Not really. When it wasn’t a leap year, we celebrated Sally’s birthday on March 1st. When did you think your birthday was?

SILVER
There’s no record of my birth anywhere, because I was essentially found on a doorstep wrapped in a garbage bag the next day, so they had to guess. I’ve been using March 1st.

LINUS
A garbage bag?

SILVER
Yeah, your dad paid no expense.

LINUS
Ugh, what an ass. I’m shocked you didn’t suffocate in the bag before someone found you.

SILVER
For real. The last time I almost suffocated, it was such a mood killer.

LINUS
When was that?

SILVER
Well, actually, it was more drowning than suffocating.

LINUS
That doesn’t make it better!

SILVER
I got the terms “waterboarding” and “wakeboarding” confused, so when I met up with this hot guy for a date, I thought we were going to the ocean to get on a little boat and ride some waves.

LINUS
Uh oh, I can see where this is going.

SILVER
Instead, he was into waterboarding, and he tied me up in his basement and started… doing his thing.

LINUS
How did you get away?

SILVER
My good luck powers saved the day. My phone rang, and he went to shut it off, but he accidentally answered the call and I screamed for help.

LINUS
Oh! So someone came and rescued you?

SILVER
Nah. It was just an automatic robo-call from the grocery store telling me that I may have purchased ice cream contaminated with listeria.

LINUS
Uh, so what happened?

SILVER
I’d already eaten all the ice cream, but I didn’t get sick. More luck!

LINUS
No, I mean how did the phonecall save you from the waterboarder?

SILVER
Oh, he slipped and dropped my phone because his hands were wet. When he went to pick it back up, he hit his head on the side of the metal tub thing I was strapped over, and knocked himself out, fell in the water, and drowned to death.

LINUS
Holy BLEEP, that’s intense!

SILVER
No, we were definitely not in tents, but I did have a guy wear a bear costume and try to kill me while we were camping last year.

LINUS
I meant intense, not in… tents.

SILVER
Yeah, I know. I was joking.

LINUS
Whatever dating app you were using, I hope you deleted it.

SILVER
Oh, I did. Dating was hard enough before, but now that people know who I am, it’s way worse.

LINUS
I get it, believe me.

SILVER
Umm, Linus?

LINUS
Umm, Silver?

SILVER
I’m glad that we’re getting to know each other, but I feel like you’re stalling for time. No pun intended.

LINUS
Yeah, I know the Time Gem is on the other side of this door, but after what I just went through with the whole Wizard of Oz thing to get the Dream Gem, I’m a little gun shy.

SILVER
Well, I can help with that!

LINUS
No! Wait! We need—

SFX: DOOR OPEN

A plan…

SILVER
Hey, little bro, we got this! Remember, I’m lucky.

LINUS
Mmhmm.

SILVER
Okay, so what exactly happened last time?

LINUS
My memory of it is a little vague, because the time loop kept changing who I was, but I think the music box started up, we heard some recordings from Dad, and then the door slammed shut, locking us in here.

SILVER
If the Time Gem’s behind this, how did your dad get it to do what he wanted?

LINUS
Not MY dad. OUR dad. He was your dad, too.

SILVER
Forgive me if I resent the man who ripped me away from my family and wiped my own mother’s mind to forget that I was born.

LINUS
Good point. Ummm, I have no idea how he set up the time loop. Maybe he was able to connect with the gem somehow and program it to do what he wanted?

SILVER
That doesn’t make sense.

LINUS
No, it doesn’t.

SILVER
I don’t hear any music or messages now, do you?

LINUS
Nope.

SILVER
So what’s preventing us from just opening up the box and taking the gem?

LINUS
It has a defensive reaction kinda thing.

SILVER
What happened when you came in here after the time loop?

LINUS
Whenever we got close to the music box, it sent us back in time to a few seconds before we tried to touch it. That’s why I wanted to wait and come up with a plan.

SILVER
Well, like I said, it’s not doing anything, so… let’s try!

LINUS
Okay, let me put up a forcefield first.

SFX: FORCEFIELD “VROOP” SOUND

SILVER
I don’t really see anything. Did you make one?

LINUS
Yeah, didn’t you hear the VROOP sound? It’s mostly invisible, and I made it cover me really closely, like a full body wet-suit. 

SILVER
Oh, yeah, your skin looks kinda glossy. Is that it?

LINUS
Yeah!

SILVER
Oh, and before I forget, is anyone else home right now? Or are we alone?

LINUS
No, the staff were given the day off, and Tammy’s with Max at his apartment, just in case the whole place is locked in time again. The minute we’re done here, I’m supposed to call her.

SILVER
All right. Let’s do it.

LINUS
Let me touch it first, okay? My forcefield is protecting me.

SILVER
I’m luckier. I think I should do it.

LINUS
Could we please just do it my way this one time?

SILVER
Geez, fine. I’ll try not to damage your fragile male ego.

LINUS
That’s not it. Tammy’s always bossing me around, and I love it, so it’s not a toxic masculinity thing. I know you’re capable, but… your good luck tends to coincide with really bad luck. And that makes me nervous.

SILVER
Oh… Okay. It’ll take time, but you’ll learn eventually. I’m called Silver Lining for a reason!

LINUS
I’m sorry— I’m not trying to be a jerk.

SILVER
It’s okay. Little brothers are supposed to be annoying, right?

LINUS
Hey!

SILVER
(laughs) This is nice, you know. Being a sister.

LINUS
It’s so surreal. Being Sally’s brother always came with conditions, but with you… it’s just easier.

SILVER
I know, right? I feel like you’re going to be really good at forgiving me, too.

LINUS
Forgiving you? For what?

SILVER
For… this!

SFX: GRABS THE MUSIC BOX

LINUS
Silver! What did I say about letting me grab it?

SILVER
Hey, I’m impetuous.

LINUS
Do you… feel funny?

SILVER
No, I feel normal.

LINUS
Is the box super heavy, or tingling or anything?

SILVER
Nope. Just a box.

LINUS
It’s not playing music, so that’s nice. I think it has to be open for that to happen anyway. Last time, it opened up on its own.

SILVER
Should we just… open it?

LINUS
I mean, we have to confirm the presence of the time gem, so we have to see what’s inside.

SILVER
Okay… Let’s do this.

SFX: OPEN BOX

LINUS
Huh. It’s not doing anything.

SILVER
Aww, this is really pretty, but… I was expecting a little ballerina or something. This looks like an orrery.

LINUS
It looks more like a solar system.

SILVER
Uh, yeah, that’s what an orrery is.

LINUS
Oh. I didn’t know that word.

SILVER
It’s okay. I used to fool around with this couple, and they were really into that kind of stuff.

LINUS
Uhh, okay?

SILVER
One was an astronomer and one was a cosmologist.

LINUS
What’s the difference?


SILVER
I think astronomy is more focused on planets and star systems and stuff, and cosmology is wide-scale universe stuff. It was way over my head. Eh, get it? Over my head?

LINUS
I thought you said cosmetologist at first, and I was confused.

SILVER
I did, too! That’s actually how we met. I overheard one of them talking about bangs, and being a cosmetologist, and I asked if she could help me with my bangs. After I went home with them, I realized they were talking about the big bang.

LINUS
I kinda figured that story would lead to you all having a big bang on their bed or something.

SILVER
Oh, it totally did. It was a huge miscommunication. They meant the big bang, and I meant hair bangs, but they thought I was asking to bang them. It was a lucky accident! Oh my god, I shouldn’t be talking about this stuff with my brother. I’m sorry!

LINUS
I’m so used to Tammy openly talking to Max about sex—and my junk, and what we do with my junk—that I nearly forgot those things are considered private.

SILVER
I’m normally really open, but it feels weird sharing those stories with you. No offense.

LINUS
No, thank you! I appreciate it.

SILVER
Okay, so, the music box.

LINUS
Right. It’s a solar system model. An… orrery.

SILVER
Yeah. But, it’s not our solar system. There aren’t the right number of planets, and everything looks off.

LINUS
Oh! You’re right. There are only 5 planets. I wonder what star this system is based on.

SILVER
Oooh, it’s like a mystery. What if the Eternity Gems came with aliens, and this is their sun?

LINUS
That’s… actually really smart.

SILVER
Hey, I’m smarter than I look.

LINUS
And that says a lot, because you look like Sally.

SILVER
(laughs) Thanks, I think.  Hmm. Does it look like the sun in here is glowing a little bit?

LINUS
Uhhh… yeah. I think so.

SILVER
Do you think it’s the Time Gem?

LINUS
I have no idea. How would we know?

SILVER
Check your watch. Is time still passing?

LINUS
Umm… yeah, looks like it.

SILVER
Huh. So how do we know if this is it? Should I hit it or something?

LINUS
No! Don’t piss it off!

SILVER
(laughs) Okay, fine. Should I try touching it? To connect with it?

LINUS
Only if you want to. This could get scary real fast.

SILVER
I want to try. Ready?

LINUS
Do it.

SILVER
Touching it… NOW!

LINUS
Anything?

SILVER
Not really. I guess it feels kinda warm. Like it’s giving off energy, or something. But that’s it.

LINUS
This is anticlimactic.

SILVER
I’ll just hold it for a while and see if anything changes. If this is the gem, I wonder how your dad got it to make a romcom time loop.

LINUS
OUR dad.

SILVER
Ugh. That’s gonna take some time to get used to.

LINUS
Sorry, I’ll try to stop doing that.

SILVER
Linus, I appreciate you taking me in after Red Thorn Ranch, but sometimes I’m afraid it’s too much. This has been a lot to deal with.

LINUS
What do you mean?

SILVER
Being part of a family for the first time is overwhelming. I’ve always been living my life for me, you know? No one else.

LINUS
You don’t need to change anything about yourself. Just keep being you, and we’ll be fine.

SILVER
Thanks, but it’s more than that. I didn’t just find a family, I found an infamous family of superpowered people. Being a monster’s twin really blows. Oh, and people recognize me from Blue Moon’s video from the ranch, too. 

LINUS
I’ve always been a public figure as long as I can remember, even if it was just in the tabloids, so I can’t really relate.

SILVER
Except for that time I played a dead body on CSI: Rose City, I kinda liked being anonymous.

LINUS
Aww, that reminds me of a henchman I met last year. His name was AnonyMoose.

SILVER
Like, he was made of chocolate mousse and he was hard to notice?

LINUS
No, but nice try. He actually reminded me a lot of Max when he first started leaving the apartment with me after his transformation. This guy has a rack of moose antlers and he wears sunglasses so people don’t recognize him.

SILVER
Wouldn’t someone with moose antlers be super easy to recognize?

LINUS
That was Max’s realization after a while, too. Why bother trying to live a double life at that point, right?

SILVER
Yeah. When I go out lately, I wear a hat and sunglasses, too, so people don’t recognize me. Is that silly?

LINUS
No, I do that too. You certainly do go out a lot… Where are you staying when you’re not here?

SILVER
Oh, I’ve been seeing this guy for a while. He’s great.

LINUS
Really? Does he know who you are?

SILVER
Yeah, he knows my story, and he doesn’t care.

LINUS
What if he’s like a fame whore, or he’s only into you because he wants to tell people he got with Sally Mander’s sister?

SILVER
(laughs) So this is what having a brother feels like! It’s cute that you think you need to protect me from that sorta stuff, but I can handle myself.

LINUS
Sorry. I just found you, you know? I don’t want you getting hurt.

SILVER
Thanks, but I’m fine. Wayne is a great guy. Actually, you might already know him. He sits on the board of Montgomery Innovations.

LINUS
Considering you technically own half of the company too, that’s a huge conflict of interest!

SILVER
Well, I have nothing to do with the business stuff, so he’d be barking up the wrong tree. But he’s not like that.

LINUS
Wait, did you say Wayne? Are you dating… Wayne Burdock?

SILVER
Ah! So you know him?

LINUS
Holy crap, he’s like, a billionaire!

SILVER
Uh yeah, just like us, right?

LINUS
But, he’s a player! Last year he was voted Rose City’s most eligible bachelor. At those stupid fund-raising galas I have to go to, he always has a different bimbo on his arm.

SILVER
Those women are just for show. He’s a real sweety!

LINUS
He always wears those tinted glasses, too, like a huge douche.

SILVER
Those are for show, too.

LINUS
If you say so…

SILVER
Trust me, I’m a good judge of character.

LINUS
Okay, okay, I will. Well, at least now I know where you are when you’re not home.

SILVER
Part of it is about Wayne, but the other part is… it’s still hard to think of this place as home. I don’t know it, or you, very well yet. It’s weird. Sometimes I wish we had, like, a full month to just hang out and get to know each other, like, without the superhero missions, or family drama, or any of that life stuff getting in the way.

SFX: TIME STONE ACTIVATION, MUSIC BOX PLAYING

LINUS
What just happened? What’d you do?!

SILVER
I don’t know! The gem just started glowing!

LINUS
Let go of it!

SILVER
(little scream) Ah! Okay, it’s back in the box.

LINUS
Look, the orrery is turning with the music.

SILVER
Yeah. It’s really pretty. But what does this mean?

LINUS
I don’t know.

SILVER
Check your phone again!

LINUS
It… umm… uh oh.

SILVER
What?

LINUS
The time is glitching, and I can’t connect with anything. No wifi, no towers. Nothing.

SILVER
Does this mean we’re trapped in a time loop?

LINUS
I have no idea! What was the last thing you said before it activated?

SILVER
Uhhh… I said— I said something like: I wish we had a month to get to know each other, without life getting in the way.

LINUS
Oh, BLEEP. This is not good!

SILVER
I’m sorry! I didn’t know! This is what I get for wishing on a star.

LINUS
Oh my god, that’s how it works! You just have to touch it and make a wish. Dad probably made a birthday wish for Sally, and that’s what made the time loop last year.

SILVER
What if I just try to make another wish to reverse the last wish?

LINUS
Oh, come on, how often does that actually work?

SILVER
Never. Damn it!

LINUS
So what now? We’re trapped here for a BLEEPing month?

SILVER
Let’s see if we can leave the room, first, and then the estate. We need to know what our limitations are.

LINUS
Good idea.

SILVER
What are we waiting for?

LINUS
Right. You go check the kitchen and the back entrance, and I’ll go out toward the front of the house. Meet me in the foyer when you’re done. Let’s go!

SOPHIA
17 minutes later.

SILVER
I can go anywhere in the building, but I can’t go outside. What about you?

LINUS
Same for me. None of the clocks are working, and the internet's not available either. There’s no way to contact anyone outside the house.

SILVER
Crap. I think we might be stuck in here for a while. I’m so sorry!

LINUS
It is what it is. I can try making my own wish, just to try?

SILVER
Do you think that would make it worse?

LINUS
Who knows at this point.

SOPHIA
6 minutes later.

SILVER
Yeah, that definitely didn’t help.

LINUS
Hey, at least we tried.

SILVER
So, now what? We just hang out and chill for a month?

LINUS
I guess? I wonder if we’re trapped in a time bubble, or if it’s passing normally outside the house?

SILVER
I hope it’s just frozen, because we need the time to get all the rest of the gems before Rose!

LINUS
Well, we will certainly have the time for that sibling bonding you wished for!

SILVER
Is there enough food for us to eat for a month?

LINUS
Yeah, the kitchen and pantry are fully stocked, but you’ll have to help me if it’s more complicated than using a microwave.

SILVER
(laughs) I can teach you how to cook.

LINUS
Sweet! I want to be able to cook Tammy a nice meal for once.

SILVER
Yes! We’ll make it happen. What kind of stuff does she like?

LINUS
Mostly garbage food, like frozen burritos and cold pizza, and… oh, motherBLEEP!

SILVER
What? What’s wrong?

LINUS
Tammy! She lives here too. If time is going by normally out there, she’ll have no idea how to get back in.

SILVER
Linus, look at the trees out there. They’re not moving. Not even a little. No swaying in the breeze, nothing.

LINUS
Oh. Okay, that’s a good observation.

SILVER
I’m surprisingly good under pressure. Except for that time I was deep sea diving and my giant submersible suit thing broke. It’s all right, though, because I was rescued by some whales.

LINUS
I don’t even know what to say.

SILVER
I have a million stories for you! This is gonna be fun!

LINUS
If we get sick of each other, I wonder if the TVs still work. We have some old DVDs around here somewhere.

SILVER
There’s always the library, too. We could spend time there and maybe you could tell me more about… our Mom?

LINUS
Remember, there’s a chance you’ll get to meet her yourself if we get through this time bubble… and if we beat Rose, I’ll hopefully be able to bring you to visit her in the journal!

SILVER
That seems so distant, you know? Like it’s so far down the line it’s hard to even think about.

LINUS
If the journal was still here, we could try now, but it’s safer with Blue Moon masking its location with his powers.

SILVER
Do you… think she’ll like me?

LINUS
You’re honestly so much like her. You’re warm, and sweet, and funny. She’s gonna love you.

SILVER
I hope so!

LINUS
I wonder what fictional world we’ll be in when we’re there. Mom mentioned Narnia, which could be cool.

SILVER
I can’t wait! Hey, you know… I promised I wouldn’t say anything, but I trust you…

LINUS
Ooooh, is this gossip? Are we gossiping?

SILVER
Okay, so don’t freak out, but… I’m not just dating Wayne. I’m dating… DevilBat.

LINUS
Oh my god, seriously?! Do they know about each other? Are you in a throuple? What does DevilBat look like?!

SILVER
No! No, I said that wrong. Sorry. I’m only dating one person. Wayne Burdock IS DevilBat.

LINUS
Are you kidding me? That’s… insane! I don’t really know the guy, because when I’ve talked to him in the past, he never stays in a conversation for very long. He kinda flits about at parties and then leaves early.

SILVER
Yeah, he has to maintain his cover, keep up appearances, but then he’s right back out on the streets, fighting crime.  He’s so… yummy.

LINUS
How the hell am I going to keep this a secret from Tammy? I tell her everything! She’s going to freak the BLEEP out!

SILVER
We have weeks for you to come to terms with that before you see Tammy again. I think it’ll be okay.

LINUS
Ugh, fine. Wait, how many weeks WILL it be? A month can be anywhere from 28 to 31 days long, so how will we know when we’re free?

SILVER
We can just kill time until day 28, and see what happens, I guess. I mean, it’s not like we have another option.

LINUS
I suppose… Okay, so have you gotten to play with any of DevilBat’s gadgets? His utility belt has a million things on it, and I’ve only seen him use his grappling hook, devil darts, bat blaster, that stick that shocks people, and… his smoke grenades.

SILVER
He calls those his bat bombs.

LINUS
SO. COOL. Does he need a sidekick?

SILVER
You’re already a hero co-leading your own team! That would be a huge demotion.

LINUS
Yeah, but it would be worth it! Does he damage his vocal cords by talking so gravely all the time? If he fights crime all night, does he sleep during the day? Is he a genius, or does someone else design his tech? Oh, and I thought DevilBat was blind. How does that work?

SILVER
Oh my god, slow your roll! We have so much time to talk about this!

LINUS
But I want to know now!

SILVER
(laughs)

SOPHIA
One month later.

SFX: MUSIC BOX PLAYS

SILVER
Okay, it’s going to be 30 days any minute now.

LINUS
I still think 28 days would’ve made more sense. Let’s hope it’s not 31. I can’t wait any more!

SILVER
Oh shut up, you just miss your girlfriend.

LINUS
Tammy and I are going to be locked in our bedroom for at least 2 solid days.

SILVER
Yuck. Eh, I shouldn’t judge. I can’t wait to see Wayne!

LINUS
I need to meet him again, you know. He needs the brother stamp of approval! Maybe we can do a double date!

SILVER
Oh, please no. We’re not in the public phase of our relationship yet.

LINUS
For someone who once dated a ghost, you shouldn’t be so particular.

SILVER
Coming from someone who once got catfished by a superpowered talking horse!

LINUS
I thought she was the chick on the horse in the profile pic, not the one being ridden! It was very confusing! I mean, how did she even type with her hooves?

SILVER
She probably used voice-to-text.

LINUS
Ohhh, that makes sense. She was scary!

SILVER
That’s what happens when you compete in a horse dancing competition. The weirdos come out of the woodwork.

LINUS
Don’t make fun of Prancing with the Stars! It was harder than it looked!

SILVER
Whatever, Liney.

LINUS
And you promised never to tell a soul about the horse dating thing!

SILVER
What, the catfish part, or how when you met up with her at the stable, you got so embarrassed you peed a little?

LINUS
Aw, come on, Sil, please?

SILVER
Fine! Fine! I’ll take it to my grave!

SFX: MUSIC BOX SLOWS DOWN

LINUS
Ah! Something’s happening!

SFX: MUSIC STOPS. BOX CLOSES. TIME GEM SOUND.

SILVER
Oh my god! We made it!

LINUS
This is amazing!

SILVER
Okay, I’ll grab the music box. You check your phone.

LINUS
Got it. Yeah, it’s connected to wifi again. It says… 2 minutes. Only 2 minutes have passed!

SILVER
Oh, that’s great.

LINUS
I gotta call Tammy, and we need to bring the box to Blue Moon at HQ. Are you ready?

SILVER
Yeah, in a second. Before we go, Liney, I just want to say… This has been the best month of my life.

LINUS
Really? Do you mean that?

SILVER
I do.

LINUS
Even more than that month you swapped places with a princess?

SILVER
Yes, even better than that.

LINUS
Sil…

SILVER
You’re so annoying, and dumb sometimes, but you’re my favorite person, like ever. I love you so much. You’re the best little brother I could imagine!

LINUS
I love you too. You’re seriously the sister I always dreamed of when I was little and stuck with Sally. This really has been a wish come true, hasn’t it? For both of us.

SILVER
Hey, I could always wish on the gem for more time. Maybe a year?

LINUS
Don’t you BLEEPing dare!

SILVER
Okay, fine. Now let’s stop being sappy and go!

LINUS
Let’s go save the world!

SILVER
Uh, we still need the Spirit Gem. And we have to defeat Rose. So, we’re not anywhere close to winning yet.

LINUS
Oh. Right. Whatever. Let’s, uh, go do a thing that puts us one step closer to… possibly saving the world!

SILVER
That’s good enough for me! I just hope we have enough… time!

LINUS
Ugh, too soon!

SILVER
Yeah, yeah, yeah…

MAT
In this episode of Second Fiddles, Linus is voiced by Alex Sinicropi, Silver is voiced by Jenny Gibson, and Sophia is voiced by Robyn Rime. Theme music by Pete Johnson, and writing, producing, and sound design by Mat Johnson.

To connect with us on social media, follow us on instagram and facebook at SecondFiddlesPodcast, and tumblr at Second Fiddles. We’re also on threads and blue sky! Transcripts of all of our episodes can be found at our website, secondfiddlespodcast.com. Thanks for listening!