53 - Brainwashed

SOPHIA
Previously, on Second Fiddles: Tammy disappeared, and the memory of her existence was somehow erased from everyone except Elijah. Tammy’s new roommate, Silver Lining, is the spitting image of Sally Mander, but without the psychopathy or pyromania. Recently, another superpowered person has also gone missing: the Christmas-themed sidekick known as Crampus. Let’s begin.

MAT
Episode 53: Brainwashed.

SILVER
Boo! Wake up, sleepyhead!

TAMMY
You’re BLEEPing killing me right now.

SILVER
Did you have a good nap?

TAMMY
It was going well until you woke me up.

SILVER
Great! I have a surprise for you.

TAMMY
Can it wait? I was hoping for at least another hour.

SILVER
You’ve been napping so much lately!

TAMMY
Well, I have nothing to do. No henchies to fight, no crimes to stop. It’s really BLEEPing weird.

SILVER
It’s pretty chill here, right?

TAMMY
Honestly, having time for myself is kinda nice. I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but… without my powers, I might as well just accept that I’m in here for a while. At least, until Linus and Max realize I’m in a cult and rescue me. This is the first time in my life I’m relying on others to save me. It’s disgusting.

SILVER
This isn’t a cult! No other shoe is going to drop! It’s like Cinderella. Only one shoe dropped. All is well. The end!

TAMMY
That’s a terrible analogy.

SILVER
Hmm, you’re probably right. The last time I lost a shoe at a party, it was because the house got sucked into a sinkhole while I was outside getting some air. I asked the search and rescue people to look for my missing Ferragamo pump, but they couldn’t find it.

TAMMY
That’s awful!

SILVER
I know! I loved those shoes.

TAMMY
No, the sinkhole!

SILVER
No one died or anything. It was a hologram party. I was the only one actually there in person, because I read the invitation wrong. I thought it was a Jem and the Holograms party, so I dyed my hair pink and really teased it out. When I got there, I realized everyone else was projecting in as holograms from around the world. It was a super exclusive VIP dance party.

TAMMY
You have lived an odd and colorful life.

SILVER
Normally it’s not that colorful. The pink hair dye was temporary.

TAMMY
That’s not what I meant.

SILVER
Are you ready for your surprise yet?

TAMMY
Does it matter what I say?

SILVER
Not in the slightest.

TAMMY
Are we going somewhere?

SILVER
Nope, the surprise is coming to you!

TAMMY
Uh oh. Should I be worried?

SILVER
No, I asked someone from the spa to come give you a foot massage!

TAMMY
There’s a spa here?

SILVER
I know you’re just a Rosebud, but once you reach the Petal level, you’ll have access to the day spa AND the night spa!

TAMMY
I thought I saw everything here when you gave me that tour last month.

SILVER
No, silly, that was just the introductory tour.

TAMMY
Great, more secrets. Yay.

SILVER
I remembered when you told me my brother used to give you foot rubs after a long day of crime fighting, so I lied and said the massage was for me.

TAMMY
I’m not sure how I feel about a stranger touching my feet, but… Dammit, that’s really sweet of you. Why are you so nice to me?

SILVER
You have to stop confusing me for my evil twin. I’m my own person. I never even met Sally!

TAMMY
You’re also a voluntary member of a cult.

SILVER
It’s not a cult!

TAMMY
With a name like The Order of the Rose, there’s no way it’s NOT a cult.

SILVER
I was in a cult for like 2 months in Arizona, and the vibe was so different. No one here has ever asked me to whip myself, so there’s that. When the prophet first started talking about flagellation, I thought he meant farting.

TAMMY
Yeah, that’s flatulation.

SILVER
Well I know that NOW.

TAMMY
Imagine a cult where everyone self-flatulates in the name of their messiah.

SILVER
That would be pretty stinky. Not as stinky as when I was adopted by a family of skunks after getting lost in the woods, but I got used to that after a while.

TAMMY
You’re quite possibly the most interesting person I’ve ever met.

SILVER
Says the superhero!

TAMMY
Whatever.

SFX: KNOCK ON DOOR

SILVER
Ooo! Massage time!

TAMMY
Oh, geez.

SFX: DOOR OPEN

SILVER
Hello, hello! You’re right on time!

CRAMPUS
Hi! Where do you want me? Over by the bed?

TAMMY
Oh my god, Crampus!? It’s happening, Silver! My friends are here to rescue me!

SILVER
What are you talking about?

CRAMPUS
Tammy? I had no idea you were here!

TAMMY
You don’t have to pretend anymore. I have no idea how they snuck you in here, but posing as a massage therapist was genius! Let me guess, it was Recall’s idea?

CRAMPUS
I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not here to do anything… but my job.

TAMMY
Huh? How did you go from sidekicking for Lucid Lucy to giving massages to cult members?

SILVER
Not a cult! But this is fun, you already know each other! My surprise turned into a double surprise!

TAMMY
How’s Max doing? And Linus? Had you talked to either of them after I went missing? I mean, before you got here too? And how do you remember me? And how did you get here?

CRAMPUS
Slow down! Too many questions!

TAMMY
Sorry. It’s just really nice to see a familiar face.

SILVER
I thought my face was familiar.

TAMMY
Yeah, but not in a good way.

CRAMPUS
Should I know you, too?

SILVER
I’m Linus’s sister, Silver Lining. You probably know my twin, Sally Mander.

CRAMPUS
Oh, wow, really? I never actually met Sally before she passed, and you have different hair, so I had no idea!

TAMMY
That’s probably for the best. Anyway, Silver, this is Nick, we’ve known each other for a while!

CRAMPUS
Actually, I… don’t go by Nick anymore. When I woke up here at Red Thorn Ranch, I realized I had a chance to start over. Now I can finally be the person I’ve always been. So… call me Noelle. I’m using she/they pronouns now.

TAMMY
Oh. That’s cool!

CRAMPUS
The world is more open to queer superheroes now, with A-league stars like Phaser, but the idea of being the first out trans sidekick was terrifying.

TAMMY
Hey, I get it, besides the obvious cult-iness of this place, it’s kinda refreshing to not need to be “on” all the time. There’s no hero-pressure. Honestly, even though I really miss my powers, it’s nice to not have to worry about getting the hiccups.

SILVER
Umm, what do hiccups have to do with anything?

CRAMPUS
She loses control of her powers sometimes and gets sonic hiccups. They’re messy. And destructive.

TAMMY
He’s right. I mean, she’s right. Sorry.

CRAMPUS
I get it, it’s an adjustment. No need to apologize. Practice makes perfect!

TAMMY
Okay, so let’s get to those questions. I guess the first one I should be asking is… how do you remember me?

CRAMPUS
I didn’t. At least, not at first.

TAMMY
What?

CRAMPUS
After I woke up here, I started to remember you, but I hadn’t even realized that I’d forgotten you until the memories all came rushing back.

TAMMY
Huh?

CRAMPUS
I haven't caught up with Linus or Max in a while, so I didn’t know someone from their lives was missing.

TAMMY
Oh. So you didn’t remember forgetting me?

CRAMPUS
That’s a confusing way of saying it, but yeah.

SILVER
The memory replacement stuff doesn’t hold inside the grounds. Anyone from out there that comes here has their memories restored.

TAMMY
Seriously? You didn’t think to mention that before?

SILVER
You didn’t ask!

TAMMY
Okay, Noelle, so what you’re saying is that you have no idea what all the Second Fiddles are doing right now?

CRAMPUS
Nope. What should they be doing?

TAMMY
Rescuing me!

CRAMPUS
Oh. When you said that before, I thought you were joking.

TAMMY
What part of being trapped in a cult seems funny to you?

CRAMPUS
Tammy, cult or not, being brought here is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

TAMMY
Other than the time Sophia helped you find a giant diamond?

CRAMPUS
Well, that was great, but that’s just… money. Who needs wealth when you’re actually happy?

TAMMY
Hey, if you don’t want it any more, I’ll gladly take the rest of your diamond money.

CRAMPUS
Oh, there’s nothing left. I already signed it all over to the Order of the Rose!

SILVER
That’s so sweet of you! Thank you!

CRAMPUS
No problem. Anything I can do to help!

TAMMY
You’re insane! You’ve obviously been brainwashed already.

CRAMPUS
You’re being a little dramatic.

TAMMY
Am I? That diamond was all that was left of your mother, right? She left that for you so you would be safe?

CRAMPUS
Yeah, I wasn’t homeless anymore, so that was great, but it’s not like I had much else going on in my life.

SILVER
Tammy, most of the people here are like me and Noelle. We don’t really have many personal connections out there in the world. This place is our chance to finally live up to our potential.

TAMMY
Maybe whoever runs this joint preys on people like you BECAUSE you don’t have those connections. That way, no one cares when you go missing, and nothing really changes!

CRAMPUS
I’ve always felt like an outsider. I was the only goth in high school, I never got along with anyone in my family, and I definitely didn’t feel appreciated sidekicking for Lucid Lucy.

TAMMY
Yeah, Ren says she’s hard to work with.

CRAMPUS
I was never even invited to join Second Fiddles. That really hurt. I thought you were my friends.

TAMMY
You already had a job as a sidekick! We were all free agents.

CRAMPUS
I was shot defending Rose City from the Threat, remember that? Except for Max and Elijah, no one even came to visit me in the hospital!

TAMMY
Yeah, but, uhh…

SILVER
She’s got you on that one.

TAMMY
Dammit, you’re right.

CRAMPUS
I’m not mad, I know we weren’t really more than acquaintances, but I just thought that Second Fiddles could be my people, ya know? I could finally fit in somewhere.

TAMMY
We still can be! Why do you think Max and Sophia called you to help with the Threat? It wasn’t just because your powers could help, it was because we trusted you!

CRAMPUS
Being trusted isn’t the same as feeling welcome. Now that I’m here, I finally feel like I belong. I’m not pretending or putting on a show to fit in with other superheroes, so I can let my guard down.

TAMMY
Yeah, you let your guard down so much that they brainwashed you and took all your money!

CRAMPUS
I’m not brainwashed!

SILVER
They asked me to donate to the cause, too, and personally, I said no, if that helps. There was no, like, arm twisting or pressure to sacrifice my material possessions or anything.

TAMMY
Oh. But do you have any money?

SILVER
No, I’m dead broke. But, like I said, we’re not a cult.

CRAMPUS
Yeah, would a cult have such amazing bathrooms? The stalls are bigger than my old bedroom! And those heated seats… Sooo great.

TAMMY
Okay, so you woke up here, someone gave you a tour, and, what? Offered you a job rubbing people’s feet, and you were like, “wow, that sounds nifty!”

CRAMPUS
It was my idea! Even though my powers don’t work here, I loved how I was able to make people feel good by relaxing their muscles. I figured I could just do the same thing with my hands instead. Massage is good for the body and the soul!

SILVER
Don’t mind her, Noelle, she’s been resistant since the second she got here. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s been slowly loosening up the past few weeks.

TAMMY
Have not.

SILVER
Have so. But the second your friend here showed up, it’s like you reverted back to stubborn BLEEP mode.

TAMMY
I’m not apologizing.

CRAMPUS
Well, if she wants to go back to Linus and Max, can’t she just… leave? When I was going through orientation, I was told I could stay as long as I want. No one in Rose City knows I exist anymore, so why would I go back?

TAMMY
The memory wiping wasn’t a red flag for you?

CRAMPUS
Hey, Sophia’s sister wiped her memory, and she forgave her!

TAMMY
Hmm. Touché.

SILVER
Noelle can leave, and I can leave if I want, but you can’t be trusted to leave yet. You’ll probably bad-mouth us and try to destroy everything we’ve created here.

TAMMY
Could one of you go and send a message to Max for me? To tell him I’m alive?

SILVER
And how would that work? He doesn’t know you exist, and having a stranger show up rambling gibberish about a forgotten sister isn’t probably the most effective way to convince him.

TAMMY
BLEEP, you’re right. Even if I was able to escape, they’d look at me like a crazy person and send me to the Island.

SILVER
Exactly.

TAMMY
So what I need to do is figure out how to bring the rest of them here, so they remember me.

CRAMPUS
But would you want the whole world to forget all of them, too?

TAMMY
Well, no, but we’d figure out a way to stop the memory altering stuff.

SILVER
And what if that’s not possible?

TAMMY
I refuse to accept that this is just my life now.

SILVER
Maybe if you’d open yourself up to new experiences, you’d see this isn’t a terrible place.

CRAMPUS
The food is great, everyone’s super nice, and everything I could ever want is right at my fingertips. I’ve made more friends here in a few days than I’ve made in 5 years in Rose City.

TAMMY
How long will I be a rosebud for?

CRAMPUS
I was only a rosebud for 2 days. I’m already a stem! If I do a good job working for the spa team, they said I’ll be a petal in no time!

SILVER
Ohh, nice, I’ve been a petal for a while now.

TAMMY
And what’s the top level again?

SILVER
The highest we can ascend to is Bloom status.

TAMMY
So if I become a bloom, I’ll get to meet whoever’s in charge here?

SILVER
I’m not sure, but I think so!

TAMMY
Okay. Maybe I’ve been approaching this cult thing all wrong.

CRAMPUS
Are you going to pretend to fit in, ascend the ranks, and then try to kill the leaders the first chance you get?

TAMMY
What, am I that predictable?

CRAMPUS
Yeah, no question.

SILVER
I honestly thought you would’ve reached this level of desperation two weeks ago, but kudos on finally getting there.

TAMMY
Uhh, this is annoying.

SILVER
It’s more annoying to be rooming with literally the only person in this entire place who doesn’t want to be here.

TAMMY
That you KNOW of. There could be a dungeon underground, or the dissenters might be executed and thrown out with the trash!

SILVER
Eww, take that back! You know we compost here!

CRAMPUS
Tammy, have you seen one person here treated badly?

TAMMY
You mean other than me being held here against my will?

CRAMPUS
Yeah.

TAMMY
No. Everyone seems… really happy.

CRAMPUS
So maybe give us the benefit of the doubt?

TAMMY
That’s exactly what a brainwashed person would say.

CRAMPUS
I’m not brainwashed! I feel exactly like myself, but, like, better, and free from the constraints of society. Which sucks.

TAMMY
But they took away our powers! That’s part of who you are!

CRAMPUS
Most of my life, my powers were a curse. I would hurt anyone close to me whenever I was emotional. The good I’ve done as a sidekick doesn’t outweigh the bad I did before I was finally trained to control my powers. I don’t really miss them, like, at all.

SILVER
Yeah, maybe you don’t know who you are without your powers, ever think of that?

TAMMY
I’m a badass BLEEP with or without my sonic powers.

SILVER
But what would you do if you had to support yourself? Without being a hero? What do you like to do other than fighting people?

TAMMY
I… I don’t know. I’m not exactly an office-job kind of person.

CRAMPUS
That’s for sure. HR would write you up within 10 seconds of entering the building.

SILVER
I’m glad I was raised away from superhero stuff. If I’d been brought up by my father to become a villain, I would’ve never spent a summer working for “have-a-tit for humanity.”

TAMMY
Do you mean habitat for humanity?

SILVER
No, “have-a-tit for humanity” is a non-profit devoted to constructing affordable and realistic breast plates for aspiring drag queens!

TAMMY
Jesus.

CRAMPUS
Well, giving back is the first step to becoming a stem, so do you think you’d like to work with me? Giving massages?

TAMMY
No, there’s no way I’d touch someone else’s feet.

SILVER
But are you open to working?

TAMMY
It would make the time go by faster…

SILVER
You could work with me in the kitchens! When I’m not helping prep salads and stuff, I honestly sneak a ton of desserts from one of the coolers.

TAMMY
Hmm, I’m not a good cook. What are my other options?

CRAMPUS
Custodial? Do you like cleaning?

TAMMY
I’m better at making messes than cleaning them up.

SILVER
Maybe you could work in the gardens or the greenhouse. It’s pretty labor intensive—— a lot of lugging mulch and working with the grounds crew people. But it’s mostly outdoors, and the roses smell great!

TAMMY
Hmm, do you think they’d consider me for that?

CRAMPUS
Do you have a green thumb?

TAMMY
I don’t think so. I’ve never even owned a houseplant. Does that matter?

SILVER
Probably not. They would teach you, if you’re willing.

TAMMY
I do like to get dirty.

SILVER
Great! I’ll put in a work request for you, and we’ll go from there. If you’re lucky, you can start tomorrow!

CRAMPUS
I cannot wait to see you wearing a sun hat.

TAMMY
There’s no BLEEPing way I’m wearing a sun hat. Maybe this is a mistake.

SILVER
No! You need something to keep you busy. Maybe if you meet new people and start making some friends, you won’t be in such a sour mood all the time.

CRAMPUS
Ooh! Sour is the perfect word to describe her!

TAMMY
What the BLEEP? I’m a delight!

CRAMPUS
Maybe you’re the one who’s brainwashed!

SILVER
Seriously, have you met yourself?

TAMMY
Okay, okay, I get it. I’m a BLEEP.

SILVER
I’m gonna go put in that request right now. As long as you’re sure…?

TAMMY
Do it.

SILVER
Great. Will you two be okay while I’m gone?

TAMMY
Of course! Noelle still has a job to do, doesn’t she?

CRAMPUS
Oh, you still want the foot massage?

TAMMY
Hell, yes! These little piggies need to go to market!

SILVER
Whatever. Be back in a bit!

SFX: DOOR OPEN, CLOSE

CRAMPUS
Even though you think we’re in a cult, I’m psyched you’re here, Tammy. I really hope we can spend some time together and actually get to know each other.

TAMMY
I don’t hate that idea. And… I’m sorry.

CRAMPUS
Oh? For what? Accusing me of being brainwashed?

TAMMY
No, for not visiting you in the hospital after you got shot. I kind of forgot you didn’t have any family to check in on you.

CRAMPUS
It’s okay. You probably had a lot going on.

TAMMY
Not really, just packing and moving. I could have spared a few minutes to see how you were.

CRAMPUS
I made a full recovery, so it’s fine.

TAMMY
I’m glad. So, are we… are we good?

CRAMPUS
Yeah, we’re good.

TAMMY
Great. These feet aren’t going to rub themselves!

CRAMPUS
Fine, but you have to promise to actually relax and enjoy the experience. Deal?

TAMMY
Deal.

MAT
In this episode of Second Fiddles, Tammy is voiced by Liz Thompson, Silver is voiced by Jenny Gibson, Crampus is voiced by Gwen Brown, and Sophia is voiced by Robyn Rime. Music by Pete Johnson, and writing, producing, and sound design by Mat Johnson.

To connect with us on social media, and see some of the character art that exists, follow us on instagram and facebook at SecondFiddlesPodcast, tumblr at Second Fiddles, and X at 2ndFiddles, spelled 2-N-D-Fiddles. Transcripts of our episodes can be found at our website, secondfiddlespodcast.com. Thanks for listening!