48 - Closure

SOPHIA
Previously, on Second Fiddles: Max hosted an orientation meeting for the newest Second Fiddles recruits. Linus showed up to reveal a note from his mom about someone named “Tammy,” but no one recognized her name. We now rejoin Max, Linus, and Parker after that meeting. That’s right, folks: The last three episodes all happened at nearly the same time. This is pretty much the opposite of a time jump. You’re welcome! Let’s begin.

MAT
Episode 48: Closure

LINUS
Alllllrighty, now that the girls are gone, I need a drink.

MAX
Uh oh. Why?

LINUS
I’ll get to that. First, the booze!

MAX
I don’t have any, sorry.

LINUS
Seriously? Nothing?

PARKER
There was a lot of boxed wine here when I moved in, but it’s all gone now. Max must be a secret wine-o.

MAX
Ew, no, I am not a big fan of wine. I thought you drank it all.

PARKER
Huh. Weird. Maybe somebody threw it away?

MAX
I don’t know. Maybe Elijah took it home for his parents or something?

LINUS
So what you’re saying is…  there’s nothing to drink?

PARKER
Personally, I try to avoid alcohol. It makes me sloppy.

MAX
There’s always water!

LINUS
You guys suck.

PARKER
Did I say I get sloppy? I meant slutty.

MAX
I’m having college flashbacks.

PARKER
Do you remember how wasted I got after my urban heroics final?

MAX
I remember when you woke me up that night, completely naked, walking on the ceiling. You scared the BLEEP out of me.

PARKER
I don’t remember you kicking me out, though.

MAX
Hey, it’s not every day you wake up to a hot guy standing naked above your bed.

LINUS
Can you, like, do it on the walls and upside down and stuff?

PARKER
My powers do add a level of flexibility in the bedroom, yeah.

MAX
Can we maybe not talk about this?

LINUS
What, can’t a guy be curious about another guy’s superpowered sexual exploits?

MAX
Not when that guy is my ex-boyfriend.

PARKER
Dude, I have so many stories. When my powers first kicked in, I was actually giving a guy… a hand, if you know what I mean, and I got stuck!

LINUS
BLEEP! Did you have to go to the hospital?

PARKER
Well, we were both in the closet and didn’t want to freak out our parents, so we just waited until I was able to… detach.

LINUS
Was the guy’s thing okay?

PARKER
Oh, yeah, he was physically fine, but it was a traumatic first sexual experience for both of us.

MAX
Linus, please change the subject. Why are you looking for alcohol?

LINUS
I was looking through the library at the estate, and I found–

PARKER
You have a library?

LINUS
Yeah, I’m like super rich. It was mainly my mom’s library. She was really into books, no pun intended.

MAX
Because she literally travels into books.

PARKER
Yeah, Max, I remember. It’s not every day you hear about someone with such a badass power.

LINUS
It is pretty badass, isn’t it?

MAX
So what happened?

LINUS
I was looking through some of the hideaway books that we used to store toys and stuff in when I was kid, and– Parker, you don’t have to raise your hand. What’s up?

PARKER
What’s a hideaway book?

LINUS
Oh, they’re hollow books that we used to hide stuff in.

PARKER
Like the ones with hidden flasks in them?

LINUS
Yeah, but we used them for fun little kid stuff.

PARKER
Gotcha. I thought this was gonna be an alcohol story.

LINUS
It’s not.

MAX
What did you find?

LINUS
I found a ring in the hideaway version of The Odyssey. I think it was my mom’s.

PARKER
Ugh, rings freak me out.

LINUS
What?

MAX
He has an irrational fear of his fingers getting stuck in rings. If you’d come to orientation earlier, you would’ve heard it.

LINUS
Whatever.

MAX
Is it like an engagement ring?

LINUS
Yeah. But last time I went through those books, it wasn’t there. Mom hasn’t come out of the journal since then, and Dad and Sally didn’t care enough to go in there.

MAX
That’s weird.

LINUS
Yeah. Unless I missed it before.

PARKER
Is the Odyssey the one with the lotus-eaters and the sirens?

MAX
Yeah, and the cyclops, right?

LINUS
I don’t know, I never read it. I just hid action figures in it that I didn’t want Sally to find and melt.

PARKER
Have you heard of the wannabe superhero group the Sex Men?

MAX
Why?

PARKER
Well, they have a member named Cucklops, he’s a cyclops who likes to watch people bang.

MAX
Yeah, I’ve heard of them before. They’re led by Professor XXX.

LINUS
Kinky.

MAX
Yeah, the other members are Vajean Grey and Wolverpeen.

PARKER
They’re superpowered former pornstars.

MAX
Linus, I talked about them in that podcast I recorded. The one with Ren, about the movie Labyrinth?

LINUS
Oh, that BLEEP attempt at a movie review podcast?

MAX
Bro, you were in one of the episodes!

LINUS
Yeah, but like 5 people listened to those.

PARKER
Oh my god, what was it called?

LINUS
BlockBuckster movies.

PARKER
That’s so cringe.

MAX
I only record 3 episodes before I gave up. Podcasting’s hard. Wink, wink.

PARKER
So what are you gonna do with the ring?

LINUS
Oh, umm, I don’t know. I left it where I found it.

MAX
Hey, if you ever meet “your special someone,” you could use it to propose!

LINUS
Yeah right. I feel like I’m gonna be single forever. I need someone who challenges me and calls me out on my BLEEP but who’s also really dirty in the best possible ways.

PARKER
Good luck with that.

MAX
Is that why you want a drink?

LINUS
Yeah, it’s been freaking me out. I’m afraid it’s a sign, but I don’t know what it means.

MAX
Sorry, Line, I can’t help you with that.

LINUS
Until today, I’ve been doing pretty good! I was enjoying my life as a superhero. Yeah, I’ve been mourning Sally and dealing with my mom wanting to stay hidden, but this morning I woke up feeling like… something was missing. Like there’s a hole in my heart and I can’t fill it.

MAX
Hence the desire to drink?

LINUS
Fuck it. I’m going out. If either of you want to join me, I’ll be at the Pig Roast.

PARKER
Is that a bar?

MAX
Yeah, it’s only a few blocks away.

PARKER
Huh. No thanks.

LINUS
No takers?

MAX
Sorry.

LINUS
Hey, more for me!

MAX
I don’t think that’s how that works.

LINUS
Whatever. Hey, maybe I’ll get lucky tonight!

MAX
Uh, have fun, I guess.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS AND DOOR CREAKING OPEN

LINUS
See ya later, Maxi!

MAX
Bye!

SFX: DOOR CREAKING SHUT

MAX
Well, that was odd. I’ve never seen him like that before.

PARKER
Does he realize all he has to do is smile in someone’s direction to get literally anyone into bed?

MAX
It’s weird. Since we reconnected and buried all of our drama from college, I don’t remember him dating anyone. Not even a one night stand.

PARKER
Maybe he was just focusing on becoming a superhero. One track mind, you know?

MAX
Yeah, but he talks about sex like ALL the time. It’s just… I don’t know.

PARKER
Speaking of burying your drama from college, would now be a bad time to finally… talk about that?

MAX
You mean talk about how you left me and broke my heart without a second thought and then came back to town without telling me?

PARKER
In a nutshell, yeah.

MAX
Might as well.

PARKER
I don’t even know where to start.

MAX
I do. How long did you know you’d be moving halfway across the world with your family before you actually told me?

PARKER
I feel like you’ve been waiting to ask that for a long time.

MAX
You’re BLEEPing right I have.

PARKER
I knew for about 3 months. My parents delayed the transfer until I was able to finish out the semester, but I knew after the first week of classes.

MAX
Wow. So you just lied to me the entire time?

PARKER
Yup. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. I was afraid if I told you, you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore, and I’d miss out on spending that last bit of time with you.

MAX
You never gave me the chance!

PARKER
I’m sorry— I was scared! I don’t have an excuse.

MAX
So, what, you loved me so much you couldn’t bring yourself to break my heart, so you just strung me along?

PARKER
Well… yeah! Do you have any idea how difficult that was for me? Knowing that every kiss, every moment together, was leading to an ending where we wouldn’t work out? It sucked!

MAX
At least you could prepare for it! I was totally blindsided!

PARKER
I know. I know! I’d planned to tell you a month before, but I kept pushing it back. I BLEEPed up. I own that.

MAX
But what if it didn’t need to end? If I’d known early enough, I could’ve tried to transfer.

PARKER
Max, you love Rose City. And your parents are here.I knew there was no chance.

MAX
Oh, yes, you were so wise beyond your years. Thank you, thank you so much for gracing me with your insight.

PARKER
Hey, if I remember correctly, our break-up was mutual.

MAX
I only agreed to it because I thought it’s what you wanted! You kept saying things like “Long-distance sounds so hard,” and “I don’t see how it could ever work.” You sent a pretty clear message. And only giving me a 2-day notice didn’t help. That’s a lot to unpack in a single weekend.

PARKER
I didn’t want to break up, I was just being realistic! You would’ve been so lonely, and the time difference would’ve been a BLEEP!

MAX
I barely had any friends. My whole world after you left was just Eloise. I didn’t even try dating again until after I graduated.

PARKER
I’m… sorry.

MAX
Oh, and I’m actually really good at long distance. Elijah was in outer space for months last year, and we freakin’ rocked it.

PARKER
Fine, I’m just a selfish BLEEP. It’s not like I was being ripped away from everything I loved, too. I had actual human friends, and you, and I didn’t want to go.

MAX
Then why did you? A lot of people go to college far away from their parents.

PARKER
They said they would stop paying for school if I stayed behind. I tried, Max! I fought to stay, but I didn’t have any idea where to find the money, or even how to fill out a freaking FAFSA. And I’ve always wanted to go to Europe… It was a great opportunity!

MAX
Oh, yeah, a top notch overseas education has worked out so well for you. I’m sure your parents are really proud of their son being a vigilante stripper..

PARKER
Screw you, Max!

MAX
How did you think this conversation would go? There’s a lot of baggage here!

PARKER
Apparently more than I thought. It’s like you’ve been stewing in bitterness for the last 6 years.

MAX
Pretty much! Until I met Elijah, dating was impossible. Any time I made a real connection, I was afraid they’d leave me, so, looking back, I think I sabotaged every potential relationship so I wouldn’t get hurt again.

PARKER
I don’t want to argue any more. Breaking up with you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’m just as traumatized as you. I know you probably see it as something that I did to you, but it happened to me, too. It wasn’t really up to me.

MAX
That’s BS, and not Chameleon’s baby.

PARKER
Okay, maybe we both could’ve fought a little harder. Is that a fair statement?

MAX
Yeah. Whatever. You still should have told me sooner.

PARKER
I know. I should’ve been honest from the beginning.

MAX
Yeah!

PARKER
Yeah.

MAX
Yeah.

PARKER
Max…

SFX: DOOR CREAKING OPEN, FOOTSTEPS

ELIJAH
Hey, Max! Parker. Did everyone else already leave?

PARKER
Yup. It’s okay, all you missed were some dumb icebreakers.

MAX
They weren’t dumb.

PARKER
How did the HR thing go?

ELIJAH
I got fired.

PARKER
Ouch. Sorry, bud.

ELIJAH
It’s okay, it’s what I was expecting.

MAX
Oh, god. Tell me everything.

PARKER
I’ll give you two some privacy. What was that bar Linus said he was going to?

MAX
The Pig Roast. Do you want the address?

PARKER
Nah, I can use my phone for directions.

MAX
Oookay.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CREAKING OPEN.

PARKER
See ya later, guys.

MAX
Bye.

ELIJAH
Bye.

SFX: DOOR CREAKING SHUT

ELIJAH
Is Parker okay? He looks a little spooked.

MAX
It’s nothing. Annnnd by nothing, I mean that we just had a fight about what happened between us in college, and then you walked in before we could fully resolve anything.

ELIJAH
Oh. That’s not good. Did you hear what you needed to hear? For closure?

MAX
Closure sucks.

ELIJAH
Yeah, tell me about it.

MAX
Right! Sorry, I was in my head there. Okay, now I am completely focused on you. Other than losing your job, how did the meeting go?

ELIJAH
We have a lot to talk about. Sophia was there to soften the blow, so that was nice, but there are two things that are like, really, really important.

MAX
You’re making me nervous.

ELIJAH
You’re always nervous.

MAX
Good point. What’s the first thing?

ELIJAH
Fourth Wall told me I didn’t lose my powers. He said they were… reversed.

MAX
What does that mean?

ELIJAH
I won’t know more until I go home and test it out with my mom’s invisibility, but I might be able to make her visible when she’s using her power. That, and Sophia thinks it might make me immune to… any memory or mind-altering powers.

MAX
Like, what, her sister Retcon can’t change your memories?

ELIJAH
She related it to “seeing the unseen,” revealing what’s hidden, or… knowing what’s been forgotten.

MAX
That’s vaguely poetic.

ELIJAH
I guess.

MAX
Hey, if that’s what Sophia thinks, who am I to doubt her?

ELIJAH
Well, there’s something that even Sophia can’t recall, and since I’m the only one who remembers her, she thinks it has to do with my new powerset.

MAX
Her? You’re remembering a person?

ELIJAH
Her name’s… Tammy. Does that… ring a bell?

MAX
Actually… yeah. Linus had a message from his mom with that name in it. It was something about how he needs me and “Tammy” for something. To… rely on us, I think? Because she doesn’t want to come out of the journal yet.

ELIJAH
Huh. So whatever is causing this did not affect Book Worm. I wonder if being in a book shelters her from outside forces.

MAX
Yeah, I think that’s the whole reason she hid in one, to avoid MacGuffin’s clairvoyance.

ELIJAH
Okay, so that should make it a little easier for you to believe me when I tell you… Tammy is your sister.

MAX
Um, I’m pretty sure I’ve always been an only child.

ELIJAH
I promise you, she’s your older sister, and as of today — or maybe yesterday, I’m not sure — there’s no memory of her existence except for me and Linus’s mom.

MAX
Why would Linus need this alleged sister… person?

ELIJAH
Don’t say “alleged.” She’s real. And she and Linus are… a couple.

MAX
Eww, if I had a sister, I would never let her date Linus.

ELIJAH
Why do you think you and Linus were living together in the first place? He moved in with Tammy when he got kicked out of his house because they’d already been dating for a while.

MAX
No way! Linus stopped by and asked me himself, and since I needed a roommate anyway, it worked out perfectly!

ELIJAH
A roommate who didn’t have an income for almost a year?

MAX
No, he, uh, had… savings?

ELIJAH
Nope, his dad cut him off completely.

MAX
Oh, yeah. You’re right. Hm.

ELIJAH
And who was paying the other half of the rent BEFORE Linus moved in? I know you couldn’t afford it all on your own for very long, even when you were working at Pet Universe.

MAX
Oh. I—I was, ummm. I… don’t know.

ELIJAH
Exactly! You were living with Tammy from when you graduated from Rose Academy until she just moved into Linus’s mega-mansion.

MAX
I’m trying to think back, but it’s super fuzzy, like I was drunk and I can’t remember the details.

ELIJAH
Sophia has some blurry spots in her memory because of it, so you’re not alone.

MAX
Oh! The ring!

ELIJAH
What ring?

MAX
Linus said he found an engagement ring hidden inside a book, but he doesn’t know where it came from. Do you think it was for her?

ELIJAH
Yes! The day Parker moved in, Linus let it slip that he was saving his mom’s ring for Tammy.

MAX
Not anymore, obviously. He’s out tonight hoping for a hookup.

ELIJAH
Well he’d better keep it in his pants, because if Tammy ever finds out, say goodbye to little Linus and his sense of hearing.

MAX
I don’t think anyone could call his thing little Linus. Wait, why would he lose his hearing?

ELIJAH
Oh, right. Tammy’s a hero like you, and he goes by “Pitch.” Her power is “sonic vocal manipulation.”

MAX
So, what, she’s like a human megaphone?

ELIJAH
More like… a sonic screaming banshee.

MAX
You know, I was thinking yesterday that it was weird there’s no glass in this place. Like, weird, right?

ELIJAH
Yes! See? There are too many coincidences.

MAX
I can’t believe I don’t remember my own sister. Is she… nice?

ELIJAH
Not really. I mean, I love her, she’s great and all, but “nice” is not a word I would use.

MAX
Could you… tell me about her?

ELIJAH
Shouldn’t we worry more about where she is, and why no one can remember her?

MAX
I guess. Do you think she’s dead?

ELIJAH
Holy  BLEEP don’t say that!

MAX
Sorry, it’s hard to feel bad about someone I don’t remember.

ELIJAH
Well, you need to start caring, because I can’t do this all on my own.

MAX
Okay. I’m in. Whatever you need, I’m your man. I mean, other than just sexytime stuff. And moral support.

ELIJAH
Gee, thanks.

MAX
I seriously have a sister? Like, a flesh and blood real human sister?

ELIJAH
She’s more of a wrecking ball than a person sometimes, but I think that’s why Linus loves her.

MAX
Ew, do they use the L-word?

ELIJAH
We use the L-word.

MAX
Good point. I’m trying to be protective of my mystery sister.

ELIJAH
If anything, she’s the one protective of YOU.

MAX
And you know her? Tammy? Are you friends, or is she more like the judgy sister of your boyfriend that you have to deal with sometimes?

ELIJAH
No, I was actually friends with her before I met you. We were working together to spy on you and Linus for Fourth Wall before his family kidnapped you.

MAX
What?! How did that happen?

ELIJAH
Oh my god, we don’t have time to correct all of your memories.

MAX
This is kinda freaking me out.

ELIJAH
Me too.

MAX
So… what do we do?

ELIJAH
Sophia is checking in with her sister and her mother to verify some details first.

MAX
I understand asking Frankie, considering her memory powers, but why her mom?

ELIJAH
Sophia’s mom is immune to that stuff, remember? She nullifies powers.

MAX
Oh, right. So if Sophia told her mom about Tammy, and she remembers, we know it’s caused by someone’s power?

ELIJAH
Not necessarily, but if we can find one person other than me, it helps move our research in the right direction.

MAX
Huh. And Sophia doesn't think it was Frankie?

ELIJAH
No, she doesn’t. She says it feels different when her memories are manually changed. This is more of a broad scope kind of thing. If you think about it, it’s kinda crazy, like someone literally altered reality.

MAX
BLEEP me, this is insane. I really don’t want to deal with this right now.

ELIJAH
Would you rather go back to fighting with Parker about your break up?

MAX
Uh, no thanks. I’m pretty sure that conversation is done.

ELIJAH
Oh. Okay.

MAX
I don’t hate him. I mean, I kind of hate him, but a part of me will always, umm–

ELIJAH
Love him?

MAX
Yeah, the young naive part of me who was obsessed with him, and clung to his every word. But after he dropkicked my heart into a million pieces, I can promise you, he is never gonna get a piece of this ever again.

ELIJAH
He would only be so lucky to ever get a piece of… this.

MAX
Thanks. I love you. You know that?

ELIJAH
I do.

MAX
I didn’t realize until I was just yelling at Parker about breaking my heart that you were the one who put it back together.

ELIJAH
Max…

MAX
Seriously. I was afraid of getting close to anyone, but with you, it was different. Even though everything started with a lie, which apparently my own sister had a hand in?

ELIJAH
She did, yeah.

MAX
Well, even though things got rocky, you know, with you being teleported into outer space…

ELIJAH
And you sidekicking for a pervy douchebag…

MAX
And you becoming visible while saving the planet…

ELIJAH
And now your sister vanishing and you moving in with your ex…

MAX
Despite all of the crazy BLEEP, we always find our way back to each other.

ELIJAH
When you put it that way, we’ve been through a lot!

MAX
But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you so much it hurts.

ELIJAH
You should probably see a doctor about that.

MAX
Hey, we have some time before anyone comes back. Wanna… make out?

ELIJAH
Normally, I would object in the name of heroism, or whatever, but I need to wait for Sophia to hear back from her family, so I guess I have some time to kill.

MAX
And kill it we will.

ELIJAH
Let’s murder that time.

MAX
Like, super murder it.

ELIJAH
Oh my god, just kiss me already!

MAX
Yea! Sexy times with my visible dude! Hey, we should call you Visidude!

ELIJAH
No! That’s not an option!

MAX
All I want is some hot VD in my bed!

ELIJAH
Oh, did you hear it?

MAX
Yeah, I heard it.

ELIJAH
Good grief.

MAT
In this episode of Second Fiddles, Max is voiced by Mat Johnson, Elijah is voiced by Nick B, Linus is voiced by Alex Sinicropi, Parker is voiced by Greg M, and Sophia is voiced by Robyn Rime. Music by Pete Johnson, and writing, producing, and sound design by Mat Johnson.

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