46 - Visidude

SOPHIA
Previously, on Second Fiddles: While infiltrating the base of the aliens known as the Threat, Invisidude was blasted with alien technology that rendered him fully visible. In the weeks since the attack on Rose City, he has yet to regain his invisibility. His supervising hero, Fourth Wall, has called Elijah in today to discuss his future as a sidekick. Let’s begin.

MAT
Episode 46: Visidude

WALL
Elijah, hello. Sorry to keep you waiting.

ELIJAH
Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I had anything to do today anyway.

WALL
Is that what the youths refer to as sarcasm?

ELIJAH
Umm, no. I seriously have nothing to do. And you know what sarcasm is. Don’t pretend to be out of touch, it’s weird.

WALL
I know, it’s just fun to remind everybody how old I am!

ELIJAH
Ooookay.

WALL
Before we get started, I wanted you to know that someone from HR will be joining us momentarily.

ELIJAH
Oh, that’s not foreboding or anything.

WALL
You’ve gotten sassier since becoming visible, haven’t you?

ELIJAH
Not really, you just couldn’t see me rolling my eyes before.

WALL
Ah.

ELIJAH
It’s okay, I was kind of expecting to get fired today. 

WALL
What? No, you’re not getting fired. Or at least, I cannot confirm that until a representative from HR is present.

ELIJAH
Mmhmm. Okay.

SOPHIA
Hello, Elijah.

ELIJAH
Sophia? I wasn’t expecting to see you here.

SOPHIA
I know, but I’m not just the narrator. I’m still a character!

ELIJAH
Yeah, you certainly are a character.

SOPHIA
I normally don’t work for HR, but because it was for you, they let me step in today. Don’t worry, Fourth Wall, I memorized all of the HR documents and guidelines, so I’m fully qualified.

WALL
Oh, wonderful. In that case: Elijah? You’re fired.

ELIJAH
Hey!

SOPHIA
Fourth Wall!

WALL
What? That’s how I’ve always done it in the past!

ELIJAH
Have a little tact!

SOPHIA
Oh, honestly. Fourth Wall, let’s have a conversation with Elijah so he understands the situation.

WALL
What? We’re not done?

SOPHIA
Oh my goodness. Let me start, all right?

WALL
Fine. But I was really hoping to go use my peloton.

SOPHIA
Really? I cannot imagine you cycling.

WALL
I like it when they yell at me.

ELIJAH
Eww.

SOPHIA
Anyway, yes, Elijah, you will henceforth no longer be a sidekick for Fourth Wall, nor will you work for the Old Hero Society in any capacity. And the NDA you signed remains intact unless every member of the society has died.

WALL
Don’t get any ideas, now. We’re old, but we still have a lot of fight left in us!

SOPHIA
I doubt Elijah was planning on killing you just so he could talk about classified missions.

WALL
You never know what these kids are learning from the TikTok.

SOPHIA
I almost miss dealing with your brother, MacGuffin.

WALL
What’s that? You’d like a blueberry muffin?

SOPHIA
Nevermind. Elijah, you’re very quiet.

ELIJAH
Well, I don’t have much to say. I’m not a sidekick anymore. My heroism career is over.

SOPHIA
That’s not necessarily true. The leagues are actually still looking for someone to work in the communications department.

WALL
Or you could become a street vigilante. You’re still a capable fighter. You have a ton of hero potential.

ELIJAH
I don’t know. I don’t really want an office job, but the whole vigilante thing sounds awful. I would need a new alias, too. Invisidude obviously won’t work anymore.

WALL
Have you thought of tweaking it to fit your current state? You could be… Visidude! You could go by VD for short.

ELIJAH
Oh golly, VD has such a nice ring to it. I can imagine the headlines now: Bank robbery thwarted by VD. Alleyway mugging victim claims VD saved her life!

WALL
See? It has a nice ring to it.

ELIJAH
No offense, Fourth Wall, but… please leave.

WALL
Hey, you don’t have to ask me twice! You got the rest of this handled, Recall?

SOPHIA
Yes, I do.

WALL
Visidude, thank you for your dutiful service. You were a great sidekick.

ELIJAH
I’m… sorry I lost my powers.

WALL
Oh, no, the Threat’s alien energy blast didn’t strip you of your powers—It REVERSED them.

ELIJAH
What? What’s that supposed to mean?

SOPHIA
Yes, how would power reversal benefit the Threat more than eliminating powers altogether?

WALL
Just think, a hero with super strength would become super weak. Someone who can fly would instead start to sink into the ground.

ELIJAH
So, what, I’m still superpowered? But instead of making things invisible, I… make invisible things visible again?

WALL
Something like that. You’ll figure it out. Can I go now?

ELIJAH
Yeah, why not? Thank you, sir. Enjoy your… peloton.

WALL
Oh, I will. Toodle-loo!

SOPHIA
All right, now that he’s gone, how are you really doing?

ELIJAH
(groaning)

SOPHIA
Please stop slamming your head into the table and look at me.

ELIJAH
What?

SOPHIA
You’ll get through this. Max and the rest of us are here to help you, no matter what you need.

ELIJAH
What I need are my powers back.

SOPHIA
You heard what Fourth Wall said: You still have powers, even if they’re not… quite as useful. But just think, your friends and family can finally see you, and you don’t have to worry about feeling ignored anymore!

ELIJAH
Maybe I liked being ignored. I never had to fake smile at anyone or make small talk. How do I even do that? Chat about the weather? I don’t want to talk about the weather!

SOPHIA
You’re hurt, and frustrated, and grieving the loss of your former powers. That is all completely understandable.

ELIJAH
And how do I deal with this whole power reversal thing? What, I wait for an invisible villain to start terrorizing Rose City so I can negate their powers and make them easier to fight?

SOPHIA
I only remember one henchperson with invisibility-related powers. His name was Invisalign.

ELIJAH
Like the tooth thing? Was he a dentist?

SOPHIA
No. Invisalign was an invisible chiropractor.

ELIJAH
Oh, geez. What’s next, were you planning on using that as a transition to say I need to re-align my attitude?

SOPHIA
No. What’s next is an honest discussion about what you want to do with your life. That, and you need to turn in your ID badge and access card.

ELIJAH
It’s not that easy.

SOPHIA
Yes, it is. You simply hand the badge and card to me, and I will destroy them.

ELIJAH
No, not those, I mean the part about my life.

SOPHIA
You have a multitude of potential futures, Elijah. You just need to take the time to reevaluate what you want. Maybe you could create a vision board! Mine involves many, many cats.

ELIJAH
If what I want is invisibility, wouldn’t my vision board be blank?

SOPHIA
Try to focus on what you want out of life, regardless if people can see you or not.

ELIJAH
I… don’t know.

SOPHIA
Don’t think too much about it. What are three things you know you want?

ELIJAH
Umm… I want Max. I want my parents to stop coddling me. And… I want to be a hero.

SOPHIA
All right. Now three things you know you don’t want.

ELIJAH
I don’t want to feel useless. I don’t want to be ignored. I don’t want to be in a love triangle.

SOPHIA
Good. Are you currently in a love triangle?

ELIJAH
I might as well be. After Max’s ex Parker moved in, it really messed with my head.

SOPHIA
Are you trying to prevent a repeat of your jealous-boyfriend breakup argument from last season?

ELIJAH
Who measures time by seasons?

SOPHIA
Apparently, I do, during moments of fourth wall breaking.

ELIJAH
Fourth Wall isn’t broken, he’s just old and confusing.

SOPHIA
Nevermind. So, you’re not jealous of Parker?

ELIJAH
Well, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t spy on them like I did with Phaser. But that was different. Phaser’s older than Max, and there was this whole creepy power dynamic thing going on.

SOPHIA
And with Parker?

ELIJAH
Honestly, when I’m over there, he seems more interested in flirting with me than Max. He’s always asking me questions, trying to get to know me. I don’t know what his deal is.

SOPHIA
Maybe he’s lonely and trying to make friends. Being a vigilante is usually a solitary endeavor, and his family is still overseas. Does he actually know anyone in Rose City?

ELIJAH
I didn’t think of that. I don’t know, but he can’t just insert himself into the group like he’s been here the whole time.

SOPHIA
You did that the first time you joined Second Fiddles.

ELIJAH
Yeah, but… I got to know you and Chameleon during our intergalactic adventure, not by joining the group.

SOPHIA
Regardless, I think we should all give Parker a chance. Sally-Mander-murder aside, I think he actually fits in nicely.

ELIJAH
But he and Max have a history—it’s not like that one-sided stuff with Phaser. It’s hard not to picture them together. I tried talking to Ren about it, but she said imagining them together was really hot, so I got flustered and just changed the subject.

SOPHIA
Because it upset you?

ELIJAH
Max is my first love, and he always will be, but Parker is his. How do I compete with that?

SOPHIA
You don’t need to, because it’s not a competition. Max is with you. He adores you, and from seeing how he looks at you — now that he can actually see you, I mean — I know that’s true. I’ve never seen him look at Parker like that.

ELIJAH
Have I ever mentioned how grateful I am to have a friend with a superpowered memory?

SOPHIA
Yes. This is the 8th time you’ve said it outloud.

ELIJAH
I love you, Sophia.

SOPHIA
I love you too, Elijah. So, will you give Parker a chance?

ELIJAH
I mean, I think I have been. We hang out sometimes when I’m over there with Max, and he’s… not the worst. If I didn’t know his history with Max, I would actually really like him.

SOPHIA
The only person in the group with a good reason to dislike him is Linus.

ELIJAH
Yeah, murdering one’s sister isn’t exactly a great way to start a relationship.

SOPHIA
Speaking of murdering one’s sister, I need to call Frankie when we’re done here.

ELIJAH
Uh oh, now what’s she done?

SOPHIA
It’s amazing that my amnesia’s gone, but reconnecting with Frankie has been… difficult. At first, when we teamed up to wipe MacGuffin’s mind, I asked her to be my sidekick. It only lasted two weeks and four days. I turned into Basher and almost literally threw her out of headquarters after a mission.

ELIJAH
Yet another reason I’m glad I’m an only child.

SOPHIA
We decided to keep our superheroism careers separate from our sibling rivalries. So far, it’s been going much better. The key is smaller doses of interaction spread far enough apart that we don’t begin to aggravate each other.

ELIJAH
So is she working for anyone else now? Not that I’d remember, right?

SOPHIA
She’s actually working with our father. He’s mentoring the new A-league, and she’s his administrative assistant. She was always daddy’s little girl anyway, before things went sour, so they’re rebuilding their relationship.

ELIJAH
Well, that’s good to hear.

SOPHIA
Indeed. Before we move on to your exit paperwork, I also need to tell you something… concerning.

ELIJAH
Uh oh. Now what?

SOPHIA
Early this morning, Chameleon texted me to let me know that the Kromin General Ploonjer has finally arrived on Earth, and was taken into custody.

ELIJAH
That is really… unfortunate. For the planet. And also me.

SOPHIA
I know you said they never actually tortured you themself, but we have made sure that they will not be leaving their assigned quarters without Chameleon as an escort.

ELIJAH
I’m pretty sure Cam isn’t working as an escort anymore.

SOPHIA
You know what I mean.

ELIJAH
What’s going to happen to Ploonjer?

SOPHIA
I don’t know. Cam was tasked with educating them on the ways of our planet, but I’m not sure what the intention is behind that.

ELIJAH
Huh. Well, that’s just peachy. I hope they don’t shapeshift into my body again.

SOPHIA
Hmm. If we don't find any additional voice actors, the chances are very likely.

ELIJAH
I don’t get you sometimes.

SOPHIA
Now, before I have you sign all your termination paperwork, do you have any questions about the communications job?

ELIJAH
My parents are obsessing over me lately, so a job would be a good excuse to get out of the house.

SOPHIA
Also, you would be helping the people of Rose City.

ELIJAH
Oh. Yeah. That too. So much helping!

SOPHIA
If you’re interested, I could tell you about it.

ELIJAH
Sure. Why not?

SOPHIA
This position is referred to by the A and B leagues as “the Beacon.” The Beacon oversees everything going on in Rose City. You would be their eyes and ears, using sophisticated technology to keep tabs on villains, henchpeople, and other criminals in real time.

ELIJAH
That sounds kinda cool.

SOPHIA
The Beacon is the first point of contact for heroes. It used to be operated by an android created by Bionic Brian before he left on the mission to galaxy BJ-69, but after the Kromins killed him, the android stopped functioning. We’ve all been taking turns in the role ever since.

ELIJAH
So is it just answering phones and alerting heroes when something bad is going on?

SOPHIA
Not just that, no. There’s also a public relations element. When heroes are being interviewed on the news, the Beacon is in their ears, helping them say the right thing. It’s a vital role, and I think you have the potential to really thrive.

ELIJAH
I’m glad you have confidence in me, but… I don’t know.

SOPHIA
You would also learn how to operate the teleporters, even though they’re spotty sometimes. The Beacon is really the secret backbone of Rose City’s hero leagues.

ELIJAH
Great, just another way of being invisible.

SOPHIA
Which is what you want, correct?

ELIJAH
Yeah, but not like that. I don’t want to try something new, I just want to go back to the way things were.

SOPHIA
Ok, boomer.

ELIJAH
Ew! Hey!

SOPHIA
It’s true! Don’t be lazy. I had to work hard when I lost my memory, but I got through it, and I have complete faith that you will get through this, too.

ELIJAH
I don’t know, would they respect me?

SOPHIA
Who, the A-league?

ELIJAH
Yeah. I mean, if I became the Beacon, will everyone actually listen to me?

SOPHIA
Why wouldn’t they?

ELIJAH
Because most of them have no idea that I exist? If they ignore me, it’s not like I can scream like Tammy to make them listen.

SOPHIA
I don’t understand your reference.

ELIJAH
What reference?

SOPHIA
You said “scream like Tammy,” but I don’t know what that means.

ELIJAH
Uhh, you know, Tammy? Pitch? Our friend?

SOPHIA
I do not have a friend named Tammy.

ELIJAH
She’s a sonic screamer? Linus’s girlfriend? She’s Max’s sister?

SOPHIA
You must be mistaken. Max is an only child, like you. That’s one of the reasons you first bonded. And Linus has many girls that are friends, but definitely not a girlfriend.

ELIJAH
Are you messing with me right now?

SOPHIA
If anyone would remember someone, it would be me.

ELIJAH
But— I— I don’t… What?

SOPHIA
Why do you think Max has a sister?

ELIJAH
I don’t think so, I know he does! This has got to be your sister’s doing. It wouldn’t be the first time.

SOPHIA
Why would Frankie change your memories to create a fake sister?

ELIJAH
No, she changed YOUR memories to erase her!

SOPHIA
She wouldn’t dare. Besides, when she uses her powers on me, it leaves a vagueness behind. An uncertainty. I don’t feel any of that now.

ELIJAH
Okay, then answer me this: What happened with the Dairy Fairy last year?

SOPHIA
Linus and Max were going for a walk in the park, and then the Dairy Fairy attacked. Max’s laser vision blew up the ice cream truck, and the resulting blast incapacitated the Dairy Fairy.

ELIJAH
No, Pitch nearly killed her with sonic screams. She blew out her eardrums!

SOPHIA
No, that was caused by the proximity to the explosion.

ELIJAH
Well, why was Linus going for a walk with Max? Tammy’s the one who brought Max and Linus together in the first place.

SOPHIA
They were roommates, they spent a lot of time going for walks.

ELIJAH
They were only roommates because Linus moved in with his girlfriend after his dad kicked him out! Max hated Linus for bullying him in college.

SOPHIA
Yes, he did hate him, but those feelings changed after Linus helped save Max after Sally Mander and MacGuffin kidnapped him.

ELIJAH
Oh my god, this is insane. What about, uhh… crap! I can’t think of a time when Tammy was actually relevant!

SOPHIA
I’m starting to become concerned. Are you all right?

ELIJAH
A ha! I got it. Your sister, Frankie. How did you reconnect with her?

SOPHIA
You tricked her and put a power dampener around her neck, and then locked us in a room together to hash out our differences.

ELIJAH
I helped, but Tammy’s the one who contacted her. Tammy was auditioning sidekicks, and she met your sister. She’s the one who pieced everything together and tricked her into that room.

SOPHIA
No, I promise, it was you.

ELIJAH
I had no idea that she even existed, Sophia! How could I? No one knew about her but Tammy!

SOPHIA
No, you did it. You figured it out, and then you– you– I… don’t quite remember.

ELIJAH
See? This is all wrong!

SOPHIA
How did we trick her into that audition room?

ELIJAH
I told you, it was Tammy.

SOPHIA
It’s like my memory hits a wall. It’s not like when I had amnesia, and it doesn’t feel like Frankie’s powers. This is completely different. It’s like the memories are alive, and reshaping, and trying to prevent me from knowing the truth.

ELIJAH
That’s not good.

SOPHIA
No, it is not.

ELIJAH
So you believe me?

SOPHIA
I don’t know what to believe, but I trust you. You’ve never lied to me before.

ELIJAH
Not that you know of.

SOPHIA
That is not the best thing to say at a time like this.

ELIJAH
Sorry. I’m sure I’ve lied before, though. No one’s perfectly honest ALL of the time.

SOPHIA
You are not helping.

ELIJAH
Sorry!

SOPHIA
Perhaps this has something to do with what Fourth Wall just said before he left, about your powers?

ELIJAH
Hold on, I’m texting Max.

SOPHIA
What did you say?

ELIJAH
I asked if he’s an only child.

SOPHIA
Did he respond?

ELIJAH
He just sent back the word “duh.” Then a question mark. Oh, then he said “Good thing too, after dealing with Cassie. I don’t see how Ren puts up with her.” Okay, so it’s not just you, Sophia. If Max doesn’t remember his own sister, this is a bigger problem. What were you saying? About my powers?

SOPHIA
Fourth Wall said, and I quote, “the Threat’s alien energy blast didn’t strip you of your powers—It REVERSED them,” and then you said, “Instead of making things invisible, I make invisible things visible again?” and then Fourth Wall replied with “Something like that.”

ELIJAH
I know, Sophia, I was there. 10 minutes ago.

SOPHIA
I’m just making sure!

ELIJAH
I think you enjoy doing that sometimes.

SOPHIA
Incorrect. I always enjoy doing that.

ELIJAH
So what’s your point? About my powers?

SOPHIA
Superpowers are notoriously fickle, especially when you’re trying to define them. Maybe instead of being able to see invisible things, you’re able to unearth things that are hidden. Reveal things that are unseen. Do you understand what I mean?

ELIJAH
So, you think someone went out of their way to make us forget that Tammy ever existed, but my new power lets me remember her?

SOPHIA
That’s my assumption, but there’s no way of knowing for certain.

ELIJAH
Ahh, BLEEP. This is bonkers.

SOPHIA
Bonkers, indeed!

ELIJAH
Okay, so I’m gonna go to test this out on my parents. My dad projects a field of silence, and my mom can turn invisible.

SOPHIA
I already knew that, of course, but it’s a good refresher for the listeners.

ELIJAH
You’re so weird sometimes. Anyway, I’ll see if I can see and hear through their powers. Alright, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!

SOPHIA
Ahem.

ELIJAH
What?

SOPHIA
You still have to fill out all of your exit paperwork.

ELIJAH
Oh. Right. Do I at least get any severance pay?

ELIJAH/SOPHIA
(both burst into laughter)

ELIJAH
I know, I know, I had to ask.

SOPHIA
Severance? What’s next, health insurance for sidekicks?

ELIJAH/SOPHIA
(laughter)

ELIJAH
Today sucks.

MAT
In this episode of Second Fiddles, Elijah is voiced by Nick B, Sophia is voiced by Robyn Rime, and Fourth Wall is voiced by John Pupo. Music by Pete Johnson, and writing, producing, and sound design by Mat Johnson.

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