39 - On the Edge

MAT
This is Episode 39, On the Edge. This episode takes place at the same time as the previous episode, while Max and Elijah were trapped in a forcefield. This episode opens with Ren and her sister, Cassie. Content warning: Death and discussion of suicide.

REN
I feel like we’re right on the edge of figuring this out, but… we’re not quite there. We’re missing something.

CASSIE
I just don’t get it. My powers never work when I want them to.

REN
(sigh) Maybe we’ll just have to wait until you can go to Rose Academy.

CASSIE
They won’t even accept me if I can’t demonstrate what I can do.

REN
Well, yeah, but you can just tell them what you’ve already done.

CASSIE
Oh yeah, that’ll sound really impressive. Hey, admissions counselors, whenever I get lost, I automatically know how to get back home, and sometimes I float. And I teleported twice.

REN
Twice? I only thought you teleported once!

CASSIE
Yeah, well, it happened again on Friday.

REN
Why didn’t you tell me?

CASSIE
I’m telling you now…?

REN
That doesn’t count.

CASSIE
Well, it wasn’t that big of a deal.

REN
What happened?

CASSIE
Umm, so, I went to the bathroom at school because… well, I had to use it.

REN
That IS why people go to the bathroom. To use it.

CASSIE
I had to go number 2, okay?

REN
So you teleported while you were pooping?

CASSIE
Let me tell the story!

REN
Geez! Fine.

CASSIE
Okay, well, I’d already finished,-

REN
Finished what, pooping?

CASSIE
Stop saying pooping!

REN
I wonder if this is what Tammy feels when I’m talking back to her…

CASSIE
Oh my god, stop bringing up your dumb super-friends. You quit, remember?

REN
Hey, don’t be a brat. You’re the one obsessed with being a superhero.

CASSIE
If you keep refusing to introduce me to your Second Fiddles, please stop talking about them. I feel so left out! I can’t tell any of my friends about my powers, and the only person I can talk to about them is you. I need your old support group!

REN
You know it’s not really a support group. It’s more like a mildly formalized whining session that typically gets interrupted by a henchperson causing trouble nearby, or we used to watch a lot of weird old movies.

CASSIE
Just take me to ONE meeting. You don’t even have to stay, you can just drop me off. Or give me the address?

REN
No! I don’t want you involved in any of this hero/villain/sidekick bullBLEEP!

CASSIE
You can’t protect me forever. I have powers, and I want to use them!

REN
You don’t really know what you can do, or how it works, so you’re in no position to fight crime. The only thing you’re old enough to be fighting is acne!

CASSIE
You’re not my parent! Just because mom’s totally checked out doesn't mean you can tell me what to do!

REN
That’s exactly what it means! She doesn't understand the first thing about living with powers. It’s so much responsibility.

CASSIE
Kare, you have to stop blaming yourself for dad. It was an accident. I don’t blame you. Mom doesn’t blame you.

REN
I blame myself, okay? I sang, he died. I was responsible.

CASSIE
No you weren’t! Maybe if you’d known you had powers already, but that was the first time! You literally had no way of knowing!

REN
But, I– still… If I wasn’t in the car, it wouldn’t have happened.

CASSIE
Yeah, but what if it happened while we were on the school bus? Then you could’ve taken out the bus driver, and me, and like 20 of our classmates. Would that’ve been better?

REN
Why would you say that? Oh my god, that’s awful!

CASSIE
But, see? It could’ve been worse!

REN
Argh! But this is– You’re so– Argh! Damn it!

CASSIE
Just calm down and enjoy the view. Isn’t that why we came up here in the first place?

REN
Yeah, I guess. My friend Gale said the view from the top of this building is the best in the city.

CASSIE
She’s the one with the tail, right?

REN
Yup. She was flying up here the other day to check on Max’s falcon, Eloise. She said the sunset was really pretty.

CASSIE
Well, she wasn’t wrong. Being this high up is a little scary, but it makes me feel like a goddess, looking over all the tiny people down there living their lives.

REN
Hey, maybe your true power is being an uppity superpowered brat, ever think of that?

CASSIE
I meant: I don’t know, being so high up makes me feel powerful, like I know secrets about them. Because I can watch them without them ever knowing I’m up here? I didn’t mean that I felt better than them because I have powers and they don’t.

REN
Good. Just because you’re genetically gifted doesn’t mean you’re actually special. Don’t let that get to your head.

CASSIE
You really know how to make me feel like crap.

REN
It’s a gift. Hey, speaking of crap, you never finished your pooping story.

CASSIE
Stop saying pooping!

REN
Sorry. So, what happened?

CASSIE
Ugh! Here’s the abridged version: I finished… going, and the stall didn’t have any toilet paper, and I was freaking out and I didn’t know what to do, and then, all of a sudden, I was sitting on the toilet back at home. So, I wiped, and then “POOF!” I was back at school. I teleported.

REN
You tele-pooped!

CASSIE
I hate you.

REN
(chuckles)

CASSIE
What do you think this means? Do you still think I might be a mimic?

REN
I mean, if your power is to borrow the powers of other people nearby, that would make sense, but only if someone in or near the school is a teleporter.

CASSIE
But what about when I was back home? How did I teleport back to school?

REN
Hmm. Maybe you borrow the power for a certain amount of time? Like, it runs out after 10 minutes or something?

CASSIE
I guess… That would explain why it’s never consistent… and why I can do so many different things.

SALLY
You’re thinking about this all wrong.

CASSIE
Who are you?

REN
Sally?! How long have you been up here?

SALLY
Long enough to know your sister here isn’t a power mimic.

CASSIE
Then what am I?

REN
Sally, why are you here? And why are you a brunette now?

SALLY
I went into hiding after that whole Blue Moon thing. Daddy made me dye my hair.

REN
Oh, you mean when Blue Moon livestreamed you murdering him?

SALLY
Eh, it is what it is.

CASSIE
Is that your natural hair color?

SALLY
Yes, it is. Why?

CASSIE
It’s actually super cute. Really compliments your eyes and skin tone!

SALLY
Aww, thank you!

REN
Don’t compliment her, she’s evil! Although, you’re right, it’s so much better than platinum blonde.

SALLY
Do I look good enough for you to reconsider dipping a toe into my lady pond?

REN
I hate your metaphors. Are you saying you’re into foot stuff?

SALLY
No, dipping in a toe, like to test the temperature of the water. In the pond.

CASSIE
What pond?

SALLY
The lady pond!

REN
You don’t have a pond, you have a tar pit.

SALLY
You’re so rude!

REN
I’m rude? You’re the one who just creepily snuck out of the shadows on a random rooftop. Were you following me?

SALLY
You could say that. But first, let me show you something.

SFX: CREATES AND THROWS FIREBALL, HITS HARD OBJECT AND FIZZLES

CASSIE
(screams)

REN
Cassie!! Are you okay?

CASSIE
Oh my god, what just happened? Why does my skin feel so tight?

REN
You… you turned to stone.

CASSIE
What?!

REN
You turned to stone! You’re like a living statue!

SALLY
I knew it! (cackles)

REN
Sally! Why did you just throw a BLEEPing fireball at my sister?!

SALLY
Don’t worry, I knew it wouldn’t hurt her. Well, I mean, I AM here to kill her, so it would’ve been better if it had incinerated her body, but at least I proved my hypothesis!

CASSIE
You’re trying to kill me? I’ve never even met you!

REN
I’m surprised you even know the word hypothesis.

SALLY
I’m not stupid!

REN
Step back, or else I’ll sing and knock you out before you can explain yourself.

SALLY
Stepping back, like… this?

REN
Hey, don’t stand there, that’s dangerous!

SALLY
Exactly. If I stand on the edge, you won’t use your powers on me, will you?

REN
What are you talking about?

SALLY
If you sing, there’s a chance I’ll fall off the building and splat down on the pavement below, right?

REN
Yes…

SALLY
And you’re not a murderer. Well, at least not on purpose.

REN
You shut the BLEEP up!

SALLY
Yeah, you would never risk making that mistake again, would you? So, as long as I stand right here, we’re safe to have a conversation without the risk of either of us using our powers. Does that sound satisfactory to you?

CASSIE
Are you asking her for a truce?

REN
No, she’s asking for a stalemate.

SALLY
I was thinking more of a Mexican standoff.

CASSIE
Ew, there’s no way that term isn’t racist, right?

REN
Oh god, I don’t even know. Let’s just assume it is.

SALLY
Whatever you want to call it, I won’t hurt you, and you won’t hurt me. Deal?

REN
Fine. So. Why the hell are you trying to kill Cassie?

SALLY
Don’t you want to hear about what her power is first?

CASSIE
Yes, please!

REN
Shut up. No, first, why are you up here, of all places? And what does any of this have to do with Cassie?

SALLY
The day I “accidentally” killed Blue Moon, my father gave me an assignment, and–

CASSIE
You definitely killed him on purpose. We all saw the video.

REN
Yeah, the only accident was you revealing your identity to the whole world.

SALLY
Whatever. A mistake was made, and Blue Moon died. Can we agree on that?

REN
Mmhmm.

SALLY
Shall I continue, or are you gonna pick apart everything I say?

REN
Depends on what you say.

SALLY
Ugh, no wonder you’re friends with Linus now, you both love judging me.

REN
You’re easy to judge. Anyway, please go on.

SALLY
Fine. Daddy told me there was a very special girl I needed to find and kill, but he couldn’t see her with his powers.

CASSIE
And that’s me? I’m the special girl?

REN
Aw, come on, I was literally just trying to teach her that she’s not that special. She doesn’t need a chip on her shoulder.

SALLY
Well, at first, Daddy wasn’t able to see very much, just little glimpses here and there. He could never see you specifically, because you’re protected from his clairvoyance.

CASSIE
Does that have to do with my powers?

SALLY
Yes. I’ll get to that!

CASSIE
Sorry.

SALLY
So, Daddy could see things like a car, a set of keys, and an uneven sidewalk…

CASSIE
That’s when I used my powers! I knew where to drive when I got lost, and when I couldn’t find my keys and I was running late, I just instinctively knew where they were!

REN
That was back when we thought you were a human compass.

CASSIE
Yeah, but then I tripped on a sidewalk and almost slammed my face into the ground, but I caught myself mid-air by levitating.

SALLY
And the last thing he saw was a roll of toilet paper. In your bathroom. When he saw that, he realized it was at the home of one of the Second Fiddles, and he was able to piece it all together. So, rather than trying to find you, Cassandra, he focused on finding our dear sweet Karen, here, and this is exactly where he told me you’d be.

REN
BLEEPing MacGuffin.

CASSIE
So, you came here to kill me because your dad wants you to?

SALLY
Yup.

CASSIE
But why? What did I do?

SALLY
It’s not about what you’ve done, it’s about what you’re going to do in the future. You’re going to join up with the Second Fiddles to fight against me and Daddy, and I can’t let that happen. I did it to Blue Moon, and I’ll do it to you!

REN
What? Blue Moon was going to join Second Fiddles?

SALLY
Yup!

CASSIE
Wait, so I’m gonna be a superhero?

REN
No way!

SALLY
Not if I can help it!

CASSIE
But can you? Help it? You literally just tried to kill me and nothing happened.

REN
Well, I wouldn’t say nothing, your skin is still, you know, made of rocks.

CASSIE
(sigh) You know what I mean.

SALLY
Your power is one I’ve only heard of before. I’m gonna have to get a bit more creative to take you out!

REN
Since you’re already spilling all of your secrets, could you at least enlighten us about her powers?

SALLY
Daddy does say I’m bad at giving away the plan, but you already know the plan, so I guess this won’t matter!

REN
I wouldn't say you’re bad at giving away the plan, I’d say you’re actually really good at it.

SALLY
Hmm. Whatever.

CASSIE
So. My powers?

SALLY
Right. When your power’s worked, what was the common thread?

CASSIE
Umm, I was nervous?

SALLY
Close, but no.

CASSIE
I wasn’t actively trying to use it?

SALLY
Closer.

CASSIE
I… I don’t know.

SALLY
What does getting lost have to do with not smashing your teeth on a sidewalk?

CASSIE
And what do those things have to do with toilet paper?

REN
Oh! She needed help!

SALLY
Exactly! Your power never works when you want it to, it only works when you NEED it to.

CASSIE
I still don’t really understand.

SALLY
Your power is adaptive survival. It’s kind of like people that have superpowered good luck.

REN
Like that old henchie, Lucky Strike?

SALLY
No, his power wasn’t good luck.

REN
Oh, was it related to tobacco?

SALLY
No, he crushed people’s skulls with a bowling ball. Get it? Lucky Strike? Bowling?

REN
Ugh, that’s terrible.

CASSIE
So, when you threw a fireball at me, my skin turned to stone to protect me from burning?

SALLY
Yes. That’s why I did it, to see if I was right!

CASSIE
Wow. So, like, I’m invulnerable? Am I immortal?

REN
No, Cass, I don’t think it works that way.

SALLY
You’re not invulnerable, you can very much die. I just need to find a way to get a power dampener on you, or negate your abilities somehow. It won’t be easy, but I like a challenge. Oh! I already have a great idea!

CASSIE
Oh god, I don’t want to know.

SALLY
Come here, Karen, I have a secret that’s only for your ears.

REN
Uh, yeah, no, I’m not doing that.

SALLY
If I tell you how I plan on killing your sister, maybe you’ll be able to come up with a plan to stop me. Isn’t that worth the risk?

REN
Ugh. Remember, one word from me and you’re sleeping, and most likely dead. Got it?

SALLY
Of course!

SFX: FOOTSTEPS

REN
Fine. I’m here. What’s your secret?

SALLY
A-ha!

REN
Hey! Let go of me!

CASSIE
What are you doing?!

SALLY
Cassandra, if you don’t do as I say, I’m going to kill Karen. I’m going to cook her alive!

REN
The BLEEP you will! Get ready for nap time, BLEEP!

SALLY
If you sing, we might both take a tumble, so don’t you even think about it!

REN
Oh crap, how did I fall for this?

SALLY
You always like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
That’s your great weakness! Now… Cassandra?

CASSIE
What- what do you want me to do?

REN
Cassie! Just go! Run away!

SALLY
To save your sister, I’m going to need you to jump off this building.

CASSIE
Wh-What?

SALLY
You can’t use your powers when you want to, they only work when you need them.

REN
She’ll obviously need them if she jumps off a building, you psycho!


SALLY
But not if she jumps on purpose!

REN
That doesn’t make any sense!

SALLY
Ooh, and she’s made of stone right now, so she’ll probably crumble apart into a million pieces when she hits the street!

CASSIE
Why wouldn’t my powers work? I don’t get it.

SALLY
If you jump on purpose, it’ll be because you choose to, so it shouldn’t trigger your powers to save you, because it’s not something happening to you, it’s something that you’re causing to happen. The only way to kill someone with your powers is to get them to kill themself! That, or wait for old age, but we don’t have that kind of time.

REN
That doesn’t make any sense!

CASSIE
Kare, my powers have never made sense!

SALLY
Hey, you don’t have to believe me. Go right ahead, if you think you’ll fly away or bounce up like a rubber ball, be my guest. Jump!

CASSIE
I… I think I’ll be okay. I don’t believe you, Sally.

REN
You can’t take that risk, you don’t know what’ll happen!

SALLY
Then sing me to sleep and see how that ends!

REN
Why are you doing this? Don’t you see this is wrong?

SALLY
I have to do this.

REN
But WHY?

SALLY
I have to! Daddy told me to!

REN
What happens if you don’t? Will he kill you?

SALLY
No, Daddy would never hurt me!

REN
Then stop! Cassie doesn't deserve this!

CASSIE
Please, let go of her!

REN
We’ll move. We’ll go far away from you and your dad, and we’ll never come back. I promise!

CASSIE
Yeah, we can’t get in the way or ruin your plans if we’re in another state!

SALLY
I don’t know…

REN
You said you liked me last time we met, right? Doesn’t that mean something?

SALLY
I do enjoy the way you stand up to me.

REN
I can yell at you all you want. If there’s anything I’m good at, it’s meeting someone’s threats with a wall of sarcasm.

CASSIE
And I can vouch for that. She’s ruthless!

SALLY
I’m feeling… conflicted.

REN
I’ll work for you. Is that offer still on the table? To be your partner?

SALLY
I don’t really have the money to pay you any more…

REN
Then let’s go rob a bank or something! I can sing the tellers and security to sleep before they can sound an alarm. It’ll be easy!

SALLY
Really? You would do that for me?

REN
Yes! Just, let go of me and let my sister go home.

SALLY
I need to know you really mean it, so swear on it.

REN
I do… I swear!

SALLY
Swear on… swear on your father’s grave.

REN
I… I…

CASSIE
Kare, you don’t have to join her. I’ll jump! I’ll be okay!

REN
We can’t take that chance! I can’t have your blood on my hands, too! I’ll do anything for you, Cass.

SALLY
This is… this is too much.

SALLY
Go, Karen. Leave. Get out of here!

SFX: FOOTSTEPS

REN
You’re… letting me go?

SALLY
Yes. Both of you. Just go before I change my mind.

REN
You heard her, Cass. Run to the door, go inside. I’ll meet you when I’m done here.

CASSIE
What? You’re not coming with me?

REN
I am, I just need to talk to Sally for a minute, okay?

CASSIE
Oh… okay.

REN
Go!

CASSIE
Fine! Fine.

SFX:  RUNNING FOOTSTEPS

REN
Sally, what’s going on?

SALLY
I made up that stuff about people with adaptive survival powers needing to kill themselves.

REN
Jesus christ. Why would you do that?

SALLY
The truth is, I don’t know how to kill your sister. Daddy told me I needed to take her out, or else I would be the one to die. But I’m not as smart as him, and I’m not as smart as Linus. Or our mom. I’m just “the muscle,” and that’s it.

REN
Don’t say that, that’s not true…

SALLY
No, it is. I’m smart enough to know that I’m not smart enough.

REN
So, what now? Are you still gonna come after me and Cassie?

SALLY
No. This was kind of a last-ditch effort sorta thing. I think I’ll just turn myself in. These last few months have been really, really hard. I have no money, barely any resources, and I hate having to hide who I am. It’s been awful. Besides, every time I get sent to the island, Daddy figures out a way to set me free. I shouldn’t be there for long!

REN
If you want, I can sing you to sleep and call the police. That way they probably wouldn’t rough you up. There’s probably nothing worse than showing up to prison with messy hair from a fight, right?

SALLY
I mean, that’s not a terrible idea…

REN
So, I can sing a lullaby for you?

SALLY
Yes, I think that would be nice.

REN
Okay. Just come away from the edge of the roof, you’re giving me anxiety.

SALLY
You know… I’m always cold.

REN
What do you mean?

SFX: FIRE BALL GENERATED, SIZZLING AND CRACKLING

SALLY
See this fire in my hand?

REN
Yeah…

SALLY
It’s beautiful, right? The way the flames dance and flicker? It’s like controlled chaos. It’s predictably unpredictable.

REN
Kind of like you.

SALLY
Except fire is hot. And I can’t feel it.

REN
I know, you can’t get burned.

SALLY
It’s more than that. I don’t feel warmth. I can’t sit by a fire to warm up on a chilly day, I don’t feel the warmth from someone’s touch. All I feel is… a void. Cold nothingness.

REN
That sounds awful.

SALLY
That’s why my mom and I didn’t get along. We used to cuddle, and she would read me stories. Her thing was giving us giant bear hugs. She was so warm, and loving, but when my powers developed, that all changed. No matter how many times we hugged, I couldn’t feel the warmth. I started setting things on fire to try to feel something, and eventually I stopped caring about… everything. Mom started looking at me like I was a witch from one of her fairy tales, so I think I just leaned into it. Everyone treated me like a villain, so I became one. I mean, yeah, I really do like killing people, but things could’ve been different, ya know?

REN
And now?

SALLY
Now? I’m tired. I’m really tired.

REN
Well, the best thing to do when you’re tired is… sleep. And that, I can help with.

SALLY
You know, I think a lullaby does sound good right about now.

WALLCRAWLER
Miss, watch out! I’ll save you!

SFX: PUNCH/KICK

SALLY
(exertion grunts of wrestling) No! Please!

SFX: KICK/THROW

SALLY
(screams while falling off the building)

REN
Sally!!

WALLCRAWLER
Miss, are you alright? Are you safe?

REN
What— what’ve you done?!

WALLCRAWLER
That was Sally Mander. She had a fireball in her hands. She was going to kill you! It’s what she does.

REN
You pushed her off the building!

WALLCRAWLER
Not on purpose! I was trying to wrestle her to the ground, but she fought back. It was an accident!

REN
Where did you come from?

WALLCRAWLER
I was patrolling, and I saw the flash of fire and came to check it out. It’s a good thing I did, or else you’d be fricasseed! Sally Mander is ruthless.

REN
Are you the wallcrawler everyone’s been talking about?!

WALLCRAWLER
Yes, miss, that’s me.

REN
Well, I didn’t need your help. I’m like you—I’m powered. I was doing fine on my own.

WALLCRAWLER
I… I had no idea. I’m sorry!

REN
Well, sorry isn’t gonna cut it. You just killed someone!

WALLCRAWLER
But, she was a bad guy!

REN
Yeah, she was a murderer, but… she has a family! She has a brother! She has a father who loves her more than anything in the world. Do you realize what you’ve done?

WALLCRAWLER
I was trying to save you!

REN
I didn’t ask to be saved!

SFX: POLICE SIRENS FADING IN

WALLCRAWLER
Oh my god. Oh my god.

REN
You can’t keep doing this vigilante BLEEP! There are rules and regulations for a reason! Move somewhere else, or audition to join a league or something, but use your brain before swooping in to save the day!

WALLCRAWLER
Miss, I’m sorry.

REN
Stop calling me miss. The name’s… The name’s Lullaby. Now get out of here.

WALLCRAWLER
Lullaby… Where are you going?

REN
I have to go tell one of my friends that his sister is dead.

FADE IN MUSIC

MAT
In this episode of Second Fiddles, REN is voiced by Kristy Barkan, CASSIE is voiced by Tatiana Reed, WALLCRAWLER is voiced by Greg Maddock, and Sally Mander is voiced by Jenny Gibson. Music by Pete Johnson, and writing, producing, and sound design by Mat Johnson. Feel free to follow us on instagram and facebook at SecondFiddlesPodcast, tumblr at Second Fiddles, and twitter at 2ndFiddles, spelled 2-N-D-Fiddles. Transcripts of all of our episodes can be found at our website, secondfiddlespodcast.com. Thanks for listening!

Rest in peace, Sally Mander. Or pieces. You’re kind of a BLEEP. See ya!