Episode 21 – Journal

21 - Journal

MACGUFFIN
I know, I know, I wasn’t around to introduce the last episode. Why, do you ask? To be frank, my clairvoyance is powerful, but I’m not completely omniscient. You see, distant galaxies are out of range for my abilities. Those losers traveling through space are on their own. I know, I’m flawed. Deal with it! Anyway…

Previously, on Second Fiddles: My son Linus moved in with Tammy and Max. After a week of cohabitating, how are things going? I can tell you this, Linus has never cleaned a day in his life. I know, so much privilege, right? You’re just jealous of my success! I’m not jealous of Max, though. I know my son, and he’s a handful. Buck up, little Buck! I would say that it gets better, but we all know that’s not true. Alright, let’s begin!

MAT
Episode 21, Journal.

MAX
Linus? Are you here?

LINUS
I’m going to the gym, Maxi! See you in a bit!

MAX
No, wait, I need you to pick me up some food while you’re out!

SFX: DOOR SLAM

MAX
You’re gone. Don’t call me Maxi. Fine. Not gonna listen? I’ll just call you instead. 

LINUS
(voicemail) Hey, this is Linus. I no longer work as a nude model for drawing classes, so if you’re calling me about that, leave me alone. If you’re like my friend or whatever, just send me a text!

SFX: BEEP

MAX
Hey roomie, I’m like 99% sure you ate all of my food, and as I can’t just walk outside looking like this, I was hoping you could stop by Rosie Market on the way back from the gym. I’m really craving some vegetarian nuggets. Oh, and sugar snap peas. And potato chips, but the ones with ridges. Flat ones are stupid. And bananas. Okay, I think that’s everything. Wait, do rich people even know how to buy groceries? Ugh, thanks for nothing.

SFX: FALCON VOCALIZATION

MAX
Oh, sorry, Eloise. I forgot you were here. Okay, so if you were a human, and you wanted to hoard someone’s snacks, where would you hide them? No, I’m talking about human snacks. No, I don’t have any mice or pigeons for you to eat. Hey, I left the window open if you want to go hunt.

SFX: FALCON VOCALIZATION

MAX
Okay, fine, you can stay, but please don’t poop on the carpet. Eloise, did you see Linus take any of my protein bars? The snickerdoodle ones? The wrapper’s blue. No? Yesterday, Tammy brought them back for me, and there’s no way he ate them all in one afternoon. Yeah, you’re right, I should just go look for them myself. They’re probably on the nightstand or something. Tam won’t care if I go into her room, she knows I won’t go through her things since the incident with the vibrator drawer. I mean, who knew they came with attachments? No, I’m not explaining to you what a vibrator is. Falcons have different parts as humans, so you wouldn’t get it.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS

MAX
Okay. If I was a box of protein bars, where would I be?

SFX: RUMMAGING THROUGH PAPERS AND CLOTHING PILES

MAX
Oh my god, you slobs, pick up your clothes every once in a while. You have a hamper for a reason! Ew, why is this sticky? Oh god! Okay, so if it’s not in an obvious spot, maybe it’s in one of your bags?

SFX: UNZIPPING LUGGAGE, MORE RUMMAGING

MAX
A-ha! Snickerdoodle bars, you have returned to me!

SFX: SHAKES BOX CONTAINING ONE BAR

MAX
Okay, well there’s only one left, but it’s better than nothing! Hmm, what have we here? Hey, Eloise! I think Linus keeps a journal! What’s that? You– you don’t give a BLEEP? Well, who asked you? Okay.

SFX: FLIPPING THROUGH PAGES

MAX
What does someone like Linus Montgomery write in a journal? Okay, let’s jump back a bit. (clears throat) “Today was not a great day. I was supposed to have an audition to sidekick for Amalgamation Man. I was nervous, but excited.  Before I even got dressed, I got a call from the A-league telling me I was no longer in the running. I know Dad had something to do with it. I won’t be his sidekick, so he’s ruining my chances to work for anyone else! I don’t know why he treats me this way. He’ll do literally anything for Sally, including murdering innocent people in cold blood, but he won’t even let me have the opportunity to try and experience the world. He treats me like a bubble boy, which I know was always my backup sidekick name, but this time, it feels different. I ran over to his wing of the house and I called him out on it, but he just laughed and offered me a job again. He wants me to go meet some girl named Tammy at an audition and insert myself into her life. He said if I do this one thing, he’ll never ask me again. I’m tempted. I’ll let you know when I make a decision. Love, Linus.” Huh. Love, Linus. That’s a weird way to end a journal entry.

SFX: FLIPPING THROUGH PAGES

MAX
Okay, this is from a few days ago. You’re missing some juicy stuff, Eloise! Okay, let’s see. “I’m writing again because I’m lost. I don’t know who I am. I’m literally nothing other than ‘Tammy’s boyfriend.’ I don’t have a job and I don’t have a home, so that’s the only role for me to play now. I’m trying my best, but she’s either off working cases for the B-league, auditioning potential sidekicks, or helping out her brother.” Uh oh, he’s talking about me. Great. “Max is here, too, but he pretty much hates me. I try to stay out of his hair when Tammy’s not home, but I’m starting to worry about him. He’s even more depressed than me. Ever since he told me the nickname I gave him in college led to him having suicidal thoughts, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I would totally hang out with him, but I’m afraid he’ll think it’s out of pity. What should I do? I would do anything for one of your big bear hugs right now. I miss you, Mom. Love, Linus.” So this isn’t a journal? He’s writing letters to his mom? He’s obviously not sending them, so does that mean she’s… dead?

LINUS
Wouldn’t you like to know?

MAX
BLEEP!

SFX: ANTLERS HITTING THE WALL

MAX
Ow, ow, ow. Ugh!

LINUS
Are you okay? This can’t be the first time you’ve smashed your antlers into the wall before.

MAX
It’s the first time doing it that hard!

LINUS
Well, you scratched the paint.

MAX
Why are you smiling? Taking pleasure in my pain?

LINUS
Oh, yeah, I’m feeling really sympathetic for the guy going through all of my personal belongings.

MAX
How long have you been here?

LINUS
Long enough to know you’ve been reading my journal. Tell me, do you always talk to yourself this much when you’re alone?

MAX
I was talking to Eloise.

LINUS
Nice try. She flew out the window when I came back.

MAX
Shouldn’t you be at the gym?

LINUS
Shouldn’t you be respecting my personal boundaries?

MAX
Okay, I know this looks bad, but I was honestly just looking for my protein bars. Which I found. After you ate almost all of them. I saw this book and my curiosity got the best of me.

LINUS
First of all, those are my protein bars. Tammy bought them for me, she knows the snickerdoodles are my favorite.

MAX
Uh, no, they’re my favorite.

LINUS
When she got back from the store, she set them on the counter and said “Here are some more protein bars, you little BLEEP.” She was obviously talking to me.

MAX
I’m pretty sure if my sister was calling anyone a little BLEEP, it was me.

LINUS
Before we get into an argument about who’s really the little BLEEP here, could you set my journal down?

MAX
Oh, yeah. Sorry.

LINUS
Thanks.

MAX
Why did you come back so soon?

LINUS
I got your message, and I didn’t have any money on me to buy you your vegetarian nuggets or whatever else, so I came back to get my wallet, which I now realize is also empty due to my dad disowning me, so if you need groceries, I would appreciate some money to do so. Not like I want to do anything for you right now.

MAX
You were actually going to help me?

LINUS
Of course, why wouldn’t I?

MAX
You haven’t before.

LINUS
Because you haven’t asked. I was actually psyched you called me.

MAX
Really?

LINUS
As you just read, I actually want to hang with you.

MAX
But you didn’t want me to think it was out of pity.

LINUS
Bingo.

MAX
I don’t think you pity me. If anything, I pity you.

LINUS
Ouch. And why is that?

MAX
You lost everything. Your home, your money, your family. And you’re stuck living with your new girlfriend and her freakshow brother who’s too afraid to leave the apartment. That kinda sucks.

LINUS
Well it would suck less if I could trust you not to go through my stuff.

MAX
I told you, I was looking for my protein bars.

LINUS
MY protein bars.

MAX
Let’s agree to disagree.

LINUS
Fine. So, are you going to ask me?

MAX
Ask you what?

LINUS
About my mom?

MAX
Oh, it’s not my place.

LINUS
But you want to, don’t you?

MAX
It doesn’t matter what I want.

LINUS
Max, I don’t know how much you’ve read, but you obviously saw that I’ve been writing to my mom. Don’t you want to know why?

MAX
Is she– is she still alive?

LINUS
Mostly. Kind of. I mean yeah, she’s alive.

MAX
If she’s not dead, why are you using a journal and not actually writing to her?

LINUS
Hold on.

SFX: FORCEFIELD GENERATION SWOOSH

LINUS
Okay, I put a field around the entire apartment.

MAX
What’s the forcefield for?

LINUS
I needed to make sure my dad couldn’t use his powers to overhear this. I don’t know if he knows, but I figured out how to prevent him from watching me when I was teenager.

MAX
What’s so secret about your mom that your dad doesn't know?

LINUS
This isn’t a journal, Max. It’s my mom.

MAX
What are you– What?


LINUS
My mom has powers, too. Not really hero-worthy powers, but she used to go by the alias “Bookworm” when she was young and entertaining the idea of being a sidekick.

MAX
She turns into books?

LINUS
No, no, she can travel into books. Her body disappears when she does it – we think it goes into another dimension – but her mind, or soul, or whatever you want to call it, it goes into books. She can interact with the characters and everything, rewriting parts of the story to make herself fit in. It’s a psychic ability. She essentially generates an entire fictional world that she can live in.

MAX
That actually sounds amazing. It redefines the phrase “get lost in a good book,” right?

LINUS
 Yeah. She used to hide in her books after arguing with my dad. Sally always said her books made her a bad mother, and she thinks she loved books more than us. That was actually how Sally’s powers first manifested. She was so mad that she set our library on fire.

MAX
I love that your family has its own library.

LINUS
It’s where mom’s been hiding the last few years. When I was away at Rose Academy, she disappeared. Sally and Dad have no idea where she is, but I found this journal under my pillow when I went home for winter break that year. She had inscribed this inside the front cover. Here, look.

MAX
“Linus, tell me your story and I’ll never be alone. Love, Mom.”

LINUS
I knew she had hidden herself in here to escape from my dad. I don’t know if he was going to kill her, or what happened, but she needed to hide. If she ever comes back out, Dad’ll see it, and he’ll be able to find her. So, I write to her, to give her a world to live in.

MAX
Wow, and I thought my family dynamic was complicated.

LINUS
You look like you have a million questions.

MAX
I do.

LINUS
Go ahead.

MAX
Okay, so, are you like 100% sure your mom is in that book? What if you misread her note?

LINUS
She’s in here. It’s not even a question.

MAX
Do you always carry it around with you? I haven’t seen it before.

LINUS
No, I actually thought that would be more dangerous, so I kept it at our estate. She knows that Dad knows that she’s smart enough to not hide in a book in their own library, so that’s where I’ve kept her this whole time. When Dad kicked me out, I made sure to go get it. If I always had it on me, I was afraid that he might get suspicious.

MAX
Why do you think she went into hiding? You said something about your dad trying to kill her?

LINUS
I don’t know, I was speculating. I have an idea, but it’s probably stupid. It’s not like I’ve had anyone else to talk to about this.

MAX
Tammy doesn’t know?

LINUS
No, you’re the first. My mom is literally the most important person in my life, so I take this very seriously.

MAX
Why did you tell me? You could’ve just said she was dead and you were writing her letters because you were sad.

LINUS
That’s how it feels sometimes. I don’t know, Max, I feel like we’re kind of in the same boat right now, and I told you because… Maybe I need you to trust me right now.

MAX
I can keep a secret, but you’ll have to tell Tammy sooner than later.

LINUS
I know. I know.

MAX
Would you have told me if I hadn’t found the journal?

LINUS
Definitely not. But you did, and it feels right. I don’t know. Should I be regretting this?

MAX
No, no, no, no, no. Don’t worry. I’ve got your back.

LINUS
Okay. Good.

MAX
So. You said you had a stupid idea about why you mom turned into a book.

LINUS
Oh, we’re going there. Okay.

MAX
What is it?

LINUS
Mom’s gone into every genre, including sci-fi, true crime, autobiographies, and cook books, which, she said was really weird. She would always leave them feeling full, even though she couldn’t eat while she was in them.

MAX
And?

LINUS
She joined a book club and they read a lot of romance novels. I’m thinking that my dad found out and got jealous. Like, maybe she was having an affair with some guy in a romance novel? Oh god, that’s so dumb. Especially hearing it outloud for the first time.

MAX
No, no, this is good. That makes a lot of sense. I take it their marriage wasn’t great?

LINUS
I’m pretty sure she only stuck around for me. Sally was a sociopath from infancy, and Dad’s, well, you know. Evil supervillain. When I went off to school, I think she was in her books more than she was out of them.

MAX
I wonder if her book club read Fifty Shades of Grey.

LINUS
Ugh, gross. Please don’t make me think about that.

MAX
Sorry.

SFX: ANTLERS CRASHING INTO WALL

MAX
Ow! Come on!

LINUS
Are you okay?

MAX
Sorry, I got a leg cramp from sitting funny and I just kind of reacted.

LINUS
Have you been doing that a lot?

MAX
What, forgetting how big my antlers are and bashing them into the walls?

LINUS
I haven’t heard you crashing around too much since I moved in.

MAX
Yeah, well, your sound-proof force-fields work both ways.

LINUS
That makes sense. Max, are you okay?

MAX
No. No I am not.

LINUS
Do you want me to make some pliable force fields to go around your rack? They’ll act like pillows, kind of, to soften the blow. I’d have to re-do them every 12 hours or so, but it might help.

MAX
You would do that for me?

LINUS
Of course! Why does everyone think I’m some selfish jerk?

MAX
I blame your track record. I’ve never seen you be kind to anyone until you met Tammy.

LINUS
That can’t be true.

MAX
Nope. Totally true.

LINUS
You only saw me around my bros. It’s a whole macho thing. We get carried away.

MAX
I’m a guy, too, or did you forget?

LINUS
Yeah, but, you’re not like, you know...

MAX
Oh, no, please tell me what I’m not.

LINUS
Max. I’m not trying to be mean. You’re nicer than most guys, and, like, sweeter? More in touch with your emotions? I’m saying this wrong.

MAX
Linus, am I the first gay person you’ve ever known?

LINUS
No, I’ve met other gay guys, but you’re like, my first gay friend.

MAX
I’m– I’m your friend?

LINUS
Dude. Of course you’re my friend.

MAX
Since when?

LINUS
Are you forgetting about the time I went against my family to try to rescue you?

MAX
You only wanted to help me because you’re dating my sister.

LINUS
Oh my god! I would’ve tried to save you no matter what. If I’d never met Tammy, and I saw you in that shipping container, I would’ve done the same thing. This is what I’ve been trying to tell you. Despite the act I got used to putting on, I’m not a villain. I’m not my dad.

MAX
I never said you were.

LINUS
Well that’s how you’ve been treating me.

MAX
No, I haven’t. Okay, well, yeah. Maybe I have.

LINUS
Can we start fresh? Forget the academy?

MAX
For Tammy’s sake?

LINUS
No, Maxi, for us.

MAX
You had me until you called me Maxi. We’re not there yet.

LINUS
I’ll get you there eventually. Now, other than your antlers, tell me what’s bothering you.

MAX
Don’t you have to go to the gym?

LINUS
Hey, this body can take a day off.

MAX
Did you really just flex?

LINUS
I’m not apologizing for it.

MAX
I wish I could go to the gym. Or the store. Or, you know, like, anywhere?

LINUS
Then why haven’t you?

MAX
Look at me!

LINUS
That sounds like an excuse.

MAX
I can’t just cover these things up with a hat or an umbrella. I can’t even fit in a car. Other than a huge van or the subway, I can only travel on foot.

LINUS
What about a motorcycle?

MAX
Do I seem like a motorcycle person to you?

LINUS
Motor scooter? Skateboard? E-bike? Segway?

MAX
Look at the big picture. I’ll never have privacy again.

LINUS
What about when your guy comes back? Can’t he just make you invisible?

MAX
I– I can’t rely on someone else’s powers to function as a human.

LINUS
Can you even be considered human anymore?

MAX
I think so. Of course! Wait, am I?

LINUS
What’s so bad about not having any privacy? Have you ever seen that herotuber, Blue Moon? He has a bajillion followers and everyone knows about his powers, but he doesn’t wear a costume or anything. Unless you count the assless chaps.

MAX
I think he’s wearing a romper thing now with a butt-flap. Like a onesie for an adult.

LINUS
Nice.

MAX
I don’t wanna be a social media gimmick. I just want to live my life, and put on my mask and go to work. Two separate lives.

LINUS
Well, that’s not gonna happen, so you need to pivot. Do you think I wanted to leave home? I barely know how to use a microwave. I’m not suited for taking care of myself.

MAX
I know, last time you tried to pop popcorn I thought the whole building was gonna burn down.

LINUS
Hey, I thought the popcorn button would work.

MAX
The popcorn button never works!

LINUS
Then why is it there? Hey, why can’t you just put on your costume?

MAX
What? Why?

LINUS
You know, to leave the apartment. Put on your mask, put on your costume, and go do your thing.

MAX
What superheroes go grocery shopping in costume? Come on.

LINUS
Hey, it was just an idea. Want me to pretend to be a criminal? I can run somewhere and you can chase me, so no one thinks twice about why you’re out and about.

MAX
That’s dumb. I mean, I think it would work. But it’s dumb.

LINUS
You totally want to do it, don’t you?

MAX
The park isn’t that far away…

LINUS
It’s pretty chilly today, so it won’t be busy.

MAX
Would you really do that for me?

LINUS
Sure. The cardio will make up for my lost gym time.

MAX
I wouldn’t need to do it too often, just every once in a while until I can figure out a new job. I might have to move to a more rural area, or sidekick for a more obscure hero, but it’s possible, right? At least until Elijah comes back. If he comes back.

LINUS
Hey man, he’ll be fine. That robot chick is with him, right? She looks like she can protect herself.

MAX
Sophia is not a robot. But yeah, she’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, and with her new smashy powers, she might be fine. Even if Elijah survives and comes back, he might not want to be with me. I mean, calling him my boyfriend was hasty, we barely know each other.

LINUS
You really miss him, don’t you?

MAX
Yeah, I do. Have you ever just met someone that makes you feel good? Like, you feel safe and comfortable and like you’re home when you’re near them?

LINUS
Yeah, I have.

MAX
Are you thinking about Tam?

LINUS
No. Well, a little, but I’m mostly thinking about my mom.

MAX
Ah. It must be hard to have her right there with you, but not be able to see her or talk to her.

LINUS
Writing is better than nothing.

MAX
I saw you wrote about missing her hugs.

LINUS
When I was little, she used to pretend to be a bear, and growl and everything. She’d say she was my momma bear, and wrap me up in a huge bear hug. Then she would, she would tickle me until we both laughed so hard we cried.

MAX
I’m– I’m sorry.

LINUS
It’s okay. I’ll figure out a way to get her out of this book and protect her from Dad.

MAX
Umm, Linus? Can you feel that too?

LINUS
Feel what?

MAX
The book, it’s like, humming with energy.

LINUS
I don’t feel anything.

MAX
It’s my ability. It’s like when I talk to animals, but different. I’m not sure how. Can I hold the book again?

LINUS
Yeah, yeah, here.

MAX
Thanks.

SFX: BOOK FLUTTERING OPEN, PAGES WHIPPING OPEN

LINUS
Are you doing that?

MAX
I don’t think so!

LINUS
What’s happening? Let me see. Ow!

MAX
Sorry, I didn’t mean to poke you.

LINUS
BLEEPing antlers.

MAX
There’s writing appearing. It’s– oh. Wow.

LINUS
What does it say?

MAX
It’s addressed to me. It’s from your mom.

LINUS
Seriously?

MAX
Yeah.

LINUS
Read it.

MAX
I-

LINUS
Read it!

MAX
Okay, okay. It says “Hi, Max. Thank you for being there for my son. It means more to him than you realize. He’s always wanted a brother, so I’m happy you’re here. You will need to be there for each other to survive what’s coming next. Tell him he is my heart, and I love him more than momma bears love their cubs.”

LINUS
Max… Is… Is that everything?

MAX
There’s one more thing. Watch your eyes.

LINUS
What? Why? Oh. No, Max, you don’t need to–

MAX
This hug’s from your mom.

LINUS
You’re not terrible at this.

MAX
Do you want me to make the bear sounds?

LINUS
Please, don’t ruin the moment.

MAX
(growls softly)

LINUS
(laughs)

MAX
I’m not tickling you.

LINUS
Okay, you can let go now.

MAX
Sorry, I just realized how long it’s been since I’ve held someone like that. You know, Tammy’s not exactly a hugger.

LINUS
Is it possible that we don’t tell her about this?

MAX
Tell her about what?

LINUS
(Chuckles) Thanks, Maxi.  Sorry. Max.

MAX
You can call me whatever you want. Is your mom telling the truth? Have you always wanted a brother?

LINUS
If you had a sister like mine, wouldn’t you want a brother too?

MAX
That’s valid.

LINUS
But yeah, she’s not wrong. Other than my mom, being with you and Tammy is what I always imagined family would feel like. You call me out when I’m being, you know–

MAX
A privileged brat?

LINUS
There you go, the annoying little brother I never thought I needed.

MAX
You’re like 3 months older than me.

LINUS
Whatever! You’re stuck with me now.

MAX
I still hate you a little.

LINUS
But you’ll learn to love me a little, too.

MAX
If we live long enough for that.

LINUS
Why would you– oh, right. What Mom said.

MAX
We’re going to need each other to “survive what’s coming next.” What do you think that means?

LINUS
I could just ask her, but she probably won’t answer. She’s selective when she responds.

MAX
What do you mean? This isn’t the first time she’s written to someone?

LINUS
It’s the first time she’s written back to someone other than me. She writes back to me all the time, even though it’s never very deep. She doesn’t talk about Dad or anything bad, and she keeps it short. I’m assuming it takes a lot of her concentration.

MAX
Why didn’t I see any of her writing when I was flipping through the journal?

LINUS
The ink fades away after I read it. I probably should’ve mentioned her writing back earlier.

MAX
Maybe. Whatever. I kinda thought I was the one causing it, so I felt special for a second.

LINUS
Oh yeah, no. Sorry. Well, it was special that you could sense her writing. Have your powers ever done that before?

MAX
It’s always just been animals, never inanimate objects. Or people trapped inside of inanimate objects. Honestly, it might not even be that power.

LINUS
That seems convenient.

MAX
Are you complaining?

LINUS
No. It was nice of her to send me a hug through you, even if you almost gouged out one of my eyes with your pokey deer-spikes.

MAX
Hey, I was just the messenger.

LINUS
I know. So, now what?

MAX
I think we’re gonna have to tell Tammy everything.

LINUS
Not everything. If she hears you’re a better hugger than her, she might get jealous.

MAX
Har har har, you’re hilarious. Hey, hasn’t Tam mentioned a henchie named Bear Hug before?

LINUS
Oh, that was THUG, not Hug. And wrong kind of bare. I think he was a nudist.

MAX
Oh, I get it! Bare. Thug. Ew, gross.

LINUS
Hey, I wonder why Mom didn’t mention Tammy. Why would she talk about me and you, but not her?

MAX
I have no idea. Maybe because we’re the only two people here right now?

LINUS
Perhaps…

MAX
We can talk about it in the park, if you want. I need to get out of here. Like, now.

LINUS
Want me to put on a ski mask and bring one of Tammy’s bags? You can pretend I’m a purse snatcher when you chase me.

MAX
Uh, no thanks. I have a better idea.

LINUS
Okay?

MAX
Hold on a second!

SFX: RUNS OUT OF ROOM AND DOWN THE HALL, KNOCKING OVER A PAINTING ON THE WALL WITH ANTLERS

LINUS
Did you just knock down one of the paintings in the hall?

MAX
Yeah, but it was one of the ugly ones anyway! Okay, got ‘em!

SFX: RUNNING BACK TO ROOM

MAX
Ta-da!

LINUS
Sunglasses?

MAX
Yeah! No one’ll know who I am if I wear these.

LINUS
What if they recognize me, though? People actually know me.

MAX
They’ll think you’re cool, hanging out with a deer guy.

LINUS
Uh, okay. Are you sure about this? I know you’ve been on the verge of a panic attack for a while.

MAX
If we might die soon, I don’t want to spend my last days cooped up in a tiny apartment scraping the paint off the walls with my antlers. That’s not happening.

LINUS
Okay, let’s do it.

MAX
Hey, are your forcefields always translucent? Like, can you make them opaque so people can’t see through them?

LINUS
Yeah, I can make them solid colors, or patterns. Who doesn’t love a good chevron?

MAX
Can you make them mirrored? Like, reflective?

LINUS
Umm, I’ve never tried.

MAX
Because if you can do that, you can probably make them bend light, right?

LINUS
What are you talking about?

MAX
What if you can make us invisible in your forcefield?

LINUS
Are you second-guessing the sunglasses?

MAX
Uh, no, these are cool.

LINUS
Umm, I don’t know, I’ve always worried more about the density and pliability of my fields, and how much air can pass through them, or if they’re sound proof. I’ve made them solid so no one can see inside, but I’ve never made them invisible before.

MAX
Eh, it’s just a thought. Maybe you can practice in the park?

LINUS
I don’t see why not. It’s worth a shot.

SFX: KEYS JINGLING

MAX
Okay, I have my keys and my phone, I think I’m good to go!

LINUS
You’re practically bouncing.

MAX
Sorry, I feel like I’ve been in lockdown forever.

SFX: DOOR OPENING

LINUS
Alright, Maxi, after you!

SFX: ANTLERS SLAM INTO DOOR FRAME

MAX
Ow, BLEEPing BLEEP!

LINUS
There’s a doorway there.

MAX
Okay, let’s try that again.

SFX: ANTLERS SLAM INTO FORCEFIELD

MAX
Ow! What was that for?

LINUS
Whoops, I forgot to take down the forcefield around the apartment. So, no mention of my mom again until I put up another one of these, okay?

MAX
Yeah, no. Of course.

SFX: FORCEFIELD SWOOSHING AWAY

MAX
Let’s try this doorway thing again. Third time’s the charm!

SFX: DOOR CLOSING, BEGIN FOOTSTEPS

MAX
I’m never gonna get used to these antlers.

LINUS
Thank god for the open floor plan here. Can you fit in the elevator?

MAX
I don’t think so.

LINUS
Okay, to the stairs!

SFX: FADE IN MUSIC

MAT
In this episode of Second Fiddles, Max is voiced by Mat Johnson, Linus is voiced by Alex Sinicropi, and MacGuffin is voiced by John Pupo. All the production and writing and all that stuff is done by Mat Johnson. Music by Pete Johnson, no relation. Have a great day, and thanks for listening.