REN
Hey, listener, prepare for the worst thing you’ve ever heard.
MAX
Hey, don’t be so negative, Ren.
REN
I’m just telling the truth.
MAX
Whatever. Drop that generic beat!
REN
Ugh!
MAX
We are Second Fiddles,
we meet after hours,
A support group for those
with super powers.
We’re an eclectic bunch
with major dysfunctions.
Hey, now it’s time
for introductions!
You can call me Buck,
a telepathic sidekick.
When I talk to animals
they call me a BLEEP!
Pitch is a screamer,
she calls me a punk.
Right now she’s not rappin’
Cuz she’s passed out drunk!
REN
Are we done yet?
MAX
My introductions are rough
I’m really droppin’ the ball.
It's time to pass this on
to my friend, Recall!
REN
Listening to this makes me want to die.
MAX
Okay, Recall, time to Buck this up!
SOPHIA
Oh my goodness, no.
My name is Recall
and I know a lot.
My power is memory.
I’m not a robot.
I’m sorry for this rap.
The kool aid? I drank it!
Now it’s time
for Security Blanket!
LINUS
I can use my power
to make a strong bubble.
I’m a sexy Clark Kent
With perma-stubble!
My girl would tell you
that I’m sort of a hunk,
but like Buck said,
she’s passed out drunk.
ID
Don’t believe what you hear.
I’m dressed, not nude.
Don’t mind me,
I’m Invisidude.
I don’t cast a shadow,
I’m one of the spies,
I have the element
of surprise.
REN
Oh my god.
MAX
There’s one more left,
she won’t make a peep,
Lullaby’s afraid she’ll
sing you to sleep!
REN
I’m gonna Buck you up, Buck, you little goblin, leave me alone!
MAX
Oh come on, please? For me?
REN
Ugh, fine! You suck!
I used to be called
Snoozy Susie,
But everyone thought
I was a floozy.
Wait, are you guys asleep? Come on! I told you rapping was close enough to singing that it would trigger my powers!
Well, great. Now I’m supposed to finish this myself? Ugh, Buck had a final verse that rhymed something with “support group." I can’t think of what it was. Chicken coop? Hula hoop? Scooping poop? Circus troop? Gwyneth Goop? Oh, wait, no, he has it written down. What the BLEEP does “shoop that oop” mean? I’m not doing this.
Uh, I’ll just say… listen to Second Fiddles wherever you enjoy podcasts. Season 2 is coming soon! I am SO sorry you listened to this whole thing. This is the whitest thing we’ve ever done. I’m embarrassed to be lending my voice to this. Ugh. Whatever. Bye!